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Sex and the Third Gender

Author’s note: The opinions expressed herein came out of my and my friends’ filthy minds. They do not necessarily represent the opinions of the entirety of the transgender community and their often stick-in-the-mud medical caregivers. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.

So this is my first column about one of the most tense and tricky subjects on earth, somewhere in there next to abortion and nuclear disarmament – transgender sexuality. We transgendered folk put in an awful lot of work to convince everyone – doctors, researchers, theoreticians, churches, parents, potential lovers, etc. – that being transgendered is not about sexual preference. It isn’t the “end of the gay continuum”, or anything like that. It has nothing to do with how we have sex, or want to have sex, or who we want to have it with. We’re just now getting them to believe it…well, some of them, anyway.

Yet we do have sex; most of us anyway. Sure, some of us are too mired in body dysphoria and the pain of having the “wrong genitals” to cope with it, and some of us don’t have understanding partners, or any partners at all. Yet most of the trannies (and I use that term affectionately) that I know do have sex lives, although our activities may not resemble those of most people. Yes, we fuck. Some of us fuck like bunnies, and we manage to do it while navigating a swamp of body discomfort and alienation, sometimes dragging along bewildered partners or would-be partners for the ride.

Whenever I come out to anyone, the first thing they do – or want to do – is stare at my crotch. Their eyes almost involuntarily flicker down to there, even if I’m sitting on the other side of a table and the only thing they can catch sight of is my meal. When I get up, they make sure to take a surreptitious look. They want to know: what do I have down there, and what do I do with it? Some will be blunt, with more or less obnoxiousness: “Hey, do you have a dick? Did you have the surgery?” Instead of being appalled or offended at their assumption that my genitals are their business, I prefer a different approach that nearly always gets rid of them: a mysterious smile and the comment, “You seem very interested in what’s between my legs. I’ll tell you about it, but you have to promise to get down on your knees and suck it, no matter what it is.” Works like a charm, every time. So far no one’s called my bluff.

When they see me with my wife, who’s a male-to-female transsexual, their eyes go back and forth, back and forth, and I know what they’re thinking. What do they have? What do they do with it? How the hell do they get it on? Does it look like anything I’d recognize? Once, after I’d read a rather graphic poem about our sexual practices at an erotic poetry reading, a guy sidled up to me and confessed he’d always wondered about it. I generally look ‘em in the eye and smile as evilly as possible, saying silently to them, yeah, I know you’re wondering, and you’re not likely to find out, except that we’re obviously having more fun than most people.

The hard truth of the matter is that those of us who have opted to change their bodies do have different anatomy from most single-gendered people, and they know it. Our anatomy may vary; some of us have full genital surgery, some partial, some none at all, and the reasons can range from price to preference to not wanting to jeopardize one’s orgasmic capacity. Transwomen may still have their original phalli (which they may or may not be able/willing to use in the normal way), or they may have their testicles removed, or an entire vaginoplasty, which may or may not have sensation. Transmen may have phalloplasties (which may or may not work), or they may have metaoidioplasties (which is sort of like phalloplasty lite; you get balls and a little tiny cock that still works), or, like me and most transmen in this country, they may be making do with their original genitals, with the modification of testosterone-enlarged clits. And some may hate having their hole touched, and some may love being banged there. We’re a cussed and finicky bunch, we are. (But we’re worth it.)

This smorgasbord of bits and pieces doesn’t help the bewildered non-trans person who’s staring at us across the room and….considering. Assuming you’ve gotten past the initial Eeek! reaction, your next thought after “What the hell do they do in bed?” might, just might, move on to: “Wow…what might they do in *my* bed?” If you’re adventurous, you might try to picture it. Let me tell you now, the likelihood of getting the actuality right, especially if you’re looking at your first tranny, is pretty low. But don’t let that discourage you. The sacred androgyne is still within your realm of possibilities, but you’d better be open-minded, open to negotiation, and have a good imagination.

At a workshop I did at the Boston Bisexual conference four years ago in Boston, most of the people attending were men who were interested in picking up male-to-female transsexuals, and wanted to know how to go about it. No mention was made of female-to-males, and most people had no idea what to do with either of us. (Further columns will follow on how best to approach, pick up, and treat in bed both of our nonstandard genders; be patient.) Still, I’ve seen a growing awareness in our community that there are some people out there who find us interesting not in spite of, but because of what we are. My friend and former lover Heather calls her kind “transfrienders”; if we folks of nonstandard gender and anatomy get you hot under the collar, you just might be one.

As a pornographer, a lot of what I used to see in TG porn fell into two categories. Both dealt only with MTFs (male-to-females), and FTMs were, as usual, MIA. One was transvestite porn, with its ten basic subplots of forced feminization and mothers cross-dressing their sons. After spending a whole day reading one friend’s extensive collection, I found my eyes (and my brain) glazing over. The other type is more visual; “chicks with dicks” do their thing with guys who apparently don’t want to admit they’re bisexual – they want to suck dick, and maybe even be fucked with it, but only if it’s “girl dick”, so they’re not really queers. Right. I’m sorry, anyone who sleeps with me or my wife is bisexual by default. (They are also intelligent, have excellent taste, and sit down carefully several times a month.)

I resent the fact that there isn’t enough hot, sexy porn written, photographed, and filmed that stars real (or could-be-real) transfolk with our real-life anatomical variety (and the variety of things that we are willing or unwilling to do with them) in ways that make us look strong, passionate, and like something worth drooling over. We need to do something about this, starting yesterday.

So I’ll start with this: Recently, a bunch of us transfolk were sitting around in a living room (OK, it was mine), and we started listing all the interesting names we have for our pre- or non-op genitals. (Vocabulary: Because less than half of us get surgery, most of us are “pre-operative”, meaning we haven’t been able to get the funding together to have the lower chassis rebuilt, or “non-operative”, meaning we choose not to risk iffy surgeries.) In order to deal with screwing around whilst using flesh bits we’d rather were quite different, we rename and reframe them by various little tricks – like using other terms for them.

Here’s our list. If it offends you, stop reading. You have been warned.

Transwomen’s penises: Clit On A Stick; Big Clit; The Decoration; Tootsie Roll (a la Lady Chablis); Inside-Out Cunt

Transwomen’s anal passages: Almostcunt; Earth Hole (as opposed to Water Hole); Cloaca (because, like birds and reptiles, one does everything with it); Temp Cunt

Transmen’s clits: Dicklet (or Diclit); Cocklet; Minicock; Hot Button

Transmen’s strap-on penises: Magic Dick (as opposed to girl dick or boy dick); Rubber Hose, Magic Wand (never goes soft!); Cock Mask; Detachable Penis

Transmen’s vaginas: Front Hole; Auxiliary Asshole; Inside-Out Cock; Fisting Hole; Cockpit; Boycunt; Glory Hole; Guy Pie; Bonus Round

Head spinning yet? Good. This is just to get you thinking of all the ways new vocabulary can rename and reframe anatomy and action. What we can name, we can tell stories about. What we can tell stories about, we can tell hot, gooey, heavy-breathing, squirmin’-in-your-chair stories about. And if we can do that, we can create a picture in people’s minds of what it might be like to do “this” with “that”.

There are a lot of sexual activities that I enjoy now that I never would have imagined I’d enjoy when I was, say, seventeen. Maybe that’s just about getting older, but I strongly suspect it has more to do with learning about new things. There are things I do now that I didn’t even have a clear mental picture of at seventeen, so I couldn’t fantasize about them. If we give people a fantasy – “you and that hot tranny with a seven rubber gloves, a tube of lube, an enema bag, and a couple of lurid red-and-black striped rubber sex toys, on the bathroom floor-”….well, you might start slipping yourself into that mental role, just to see if it fits. Maybe it won’t. Maybe it will and you’ll beat off to it for three nights straight.

It’s what I first learned about sex: context creates heat. Context makes you feel like you know what you’re doing, and you want to be doing it. Everything else we can do ourselves, with a little patience and a whole lot of lube.

—

Renaming and Reframing: Sex and the Third Gender

2004, amboyz.org

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Transsexual Teens: Real Life Horror Films

Most of us love a good Horror Film. We wait for that moment when we are truly scared as our heart jumps out of our chest. We spasm in our seats and our feet come off of the floor. We love that thrill. What about afterwards will we be scared? Its not likely because it wasn’t real. We tell ourselves over and over “Its only a movie” pass the popcorn.

Imagine though that you were the character and that this was really happening to you. Our minds couldn’t fathom such a cataclysmic disaster of such biblical proportions. Our minds would literally shatter.

Yet everyday Transsexual Teens go through a real life horror story called puberty. Body Parts are turning into something foreign to them. Voices are changing, things are growing. They are becoming their worst nightmare right inside of their own skin, something repulsive to them. Its sheer terror. Meanwhile their peers are going through the same thing but its different for them. They embrace their metamorphosis as the caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Their minds and bodies become one. This is not the case of the Transsexual teen.

In the movies at least the victim at least has other characters to share their terror with. In real life though transsexual teens often go through their horror alone. Most dare not share what’s happening to them. They dare not tell their homophobic parents and most have few if any real friends. Most school counselors are ill trained and overcome with their own prejudices to be helpful. The terror is the same whether its for male to female (MTF) Transsexuals or female to males. Who do they tell? Imagine the terror as a Teen FTM has monthly periods and an MTF Transsexual has nocturnal erections. Who will quiet their nightmares?

Teenage years are difficult enough for everyone. It certainly is no picnic even for a psychologically healthy kid. A transsexual teen though does not have this advantage. Their minds and bodies are not in harmony with each other. Most have know this from their earliest memories at the age of four or five. Growing up knowing you are a different gender than what you appear is the essence of a living nightmare.

Is there a solution? Yes there is. It involves non-judgmental listening. Don’t assume this is just a phase. This has been with them since Kindergarten or earlier. Its only rearing its head now because of the terrifying physical changes they are going through. Their minds didn’t suddenly change. They’ve always felt this way.

Whether you are a parent or a school counselor it is important that you recognize this as a life threatening reality. The only solution is to get Professional help from a competent Gender Dysphoria Specialist.

Bear in mind that the suicide attempt rate for preoperative Transsexuals has been estimated as high as 50%. Many are from their teenage years when they are most vulnerable. Transsexuality is not a moral dilemma, it is a physical one.

Parents are often shocked because they feel they would know if their son or daughter had any opposite sex traits, such as excessive femininity or masculinity. They don’t realize that many transsexuals hide it and don’t really want to be what they are for their own protection. Puberty is often the distress trigger. Transsexuality is not a choice but rather is inborn. It is not a moral choice and there is scientific proof to bear that out (see link below). It is a medical condition.

If steps are taken now to just listen to our transgendered teens and take real action then the odds of them living a normal life as themselves is very good. The sooner their nightmare ends the better for all concerned. One can only hope that the incidence of those that have lived through 50 years of Gender Dysphoria will come to an end. Even one year is too much.

2006, By Laura Amato @ Laura’s Playground

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Trans Man, Female to Male Transgender: Sexuality

By and large, the transsexual condition is referred to, and often dealt with, as a sexual problem. Gender identity and sexuality are two separate aspects of our lives. Yet, it is amazing how many people have trouble conceptualizing the difference. Since transsexuals began approaching the medical community after W.W.II, the general view of those practitioners was one of taking a social deviant (socially embarrassing, “effeminate” men) and through chemical and surgical adjustments create a socially acceptable woman. Once it was discovered that a portion of these “new” women took female partners and identified as lesbians, the medical screening process was tightened up. Those who identified as anything other than heterosexual were forced to lie. If they mentioned any behavior that smacked of bisexuality or homosexuality, they were rejected from most gender programs. Those who felt they could not fight the system learned to lie. The medical community taught many transsexuals that their gender and sexual identity were inseparable.

One of the first people to challenge the gender programs and the medical professionals on this attitude was Louis Sullivan. He was the founder of the largest and longest-running FTM organization (to date) in the world, now known as FTM International, Inc. Lou identified not only as an FTM, but also as a gay man. He spent ten years of his life writing letters, personally visiting doctors, educating them, and persevering against the system. For ten years, he was denied hormone therapy or surgery. Finally, his persistence paid off and he was granted the right to pursue the treatment he felt he needed. He was the first FTM who openly led the way for others who identified as gay or bisexual.

Within the FTM experience, the entire gamut of the sexual spectrum is covered. A large portion of FTMs identify as heterosexual men who date and even marry women. There are those who identify as non-sexual and others who see themselves as asexual, choosing only self-stimulation. A large number of people identify as gay or queer, others identify as bisexual. There are those who identify as pansexual or simply sexual.

Of course with the exploration of sexuality comes the discovery and exploration of sex. And with sex, the specter of HIV/AIDS and STDs arises. Most of the FTMs on the street hustling for survival and money are fully aware of the risks they run. They face some of the tough problems that other male hustlers face on the streets. Most johns will pay higher dollar if they don’t have to use a condom. In San Francisco, $10 to $30 dollars will get you a blowjob. These are usually performed with condoms. To kick without a condom, the asking price is $75 to $150. Several of the young men have commanded prices of $500 or more for the john’s privilege to not use a rubber. It seems an awfully low price for their life. The chance of drug use, mostly intravenous, is high for these young men. To our knowledge, at this point in time, the number of young FTM men who work the streets is low.

The FTMs who are probably at the highest risk of transmitting or contracting STDs are those who identify as heterosexual. Many hetero FTMs feel they are immune to HIV/AIDS because it is still considered a gay disease, and not all FTMs emerge from the dyke community. Their biggest risk is their ignorance and lack of education. This is probably less so in urban areas, but the attitude is still alarmingly proliferant. Not surprisingly, those FTMs who identify as gay or bisexual are usually the most educated in regard to any STD as well as safer sex practices. This has not, however, kept FTMs from contracting HIV or other STDs. In both urban and rural areas, the number of FTMs who have sero-converted has risen in the past three years. Herpes is wide-spread if not epidemic. A large number of FTMs have spoken up about cases of gonorrhea as well. When asked why they choose not use condoms or other forms of protection, many state that they have felt pressured into not using them. Several have spoken of being told they won’t be seen as “real” men if they insist on protection. This kind of pressure has come from straight women, bisexual men and women, and gay men. Peer pressure seems to run the gamut in the sexual spectrum as well. More education is needed about safe sex that recognizes the unique conditions of FTM bodies and psyches.

Notes on Gender Transition

Revised September, 1997

FTM 101 — The Invisible Transsexuals

By: Shadow Morton, Yosenio Lewis, Aaron Hans–James Green, Editor

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How Do I Deal With A Transgender Person?

It is extremely important to refer to a transgender person by the pronoun appropriate to their presented gender. In other words, if someone identifies as female, then refer to them as she; if they identify as male, refer to them as he. If you are not sure, ASK them what they want. Once you know, be as consistent as possible. It’s okay if you forget or slip up once in a while. Nevertheless, it is very important to make the effort. Never use the word “it” when referring to someone who is transgendered, either in their presence or to others when they are not present. To do so is incredibly insulting and disrespectful.

When someone’s transgender status comes to your attention, do not assume that it is a fad or trend – something that will be discarded when it is no longer fashionable. While public discussion about transgenderism and transsexuality is a relatively recent phenomenon, most TG people, particularly transsexuals have dealt with their gender issues for many years – many times at great personal and professional cost. It is important to trust that their decision to present themselves in a gender different from their birth gender is not one made lightly or without due consideration.

Do NOT “out” someone (tell others that they are TG) without his or her permission. Also, do not assume that everyone knows. Some TG people “pass” very well and the only way someone would know would be if they were told. The decision to tell someone about their gender issues should be left to the TG person themselves.

Never ask a TG person how he or she has sex or what their genitals look like. That is inappropriate in every situation.

Do NOT assume a TG person is straight. Do not assume they are gay, lesbian or bisexual, either.

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First Night Out Transgender

So, you want to go out, feel liberated… but don’t know where to go or how to go about it? Some quick tips and suggestions follow.

Get your makeup done professionally and obtain a wig that feminizes you and looks natural. Or, if you’re going to do your own makeup, do the homework first — read magazines and practice. Thre are many articles out there on makeup regarding skin tones, highlighting and contouring. And even articles about hair –different styles that enhance different types of face shapes. Style and color are very important. Do the very best you can and listen to advise from others you meet.

Be sure your clothing will blend in with the venue you’re headed to. Don’t wear faded jeans to a formal event, nor dress like Alexis Carrington for a rock concert. Going shopping? NO fishnets and/or mini skirts!

Wear shoes you can walk in! A wobbly gal attracts attention (and not the good kind)

Take a ride in the car. Get gas, go shopping! You will find that IF your attitude is carefree, others most likely will be as well. Good posture, and a confident outlook will get you far. Believe in you remind that you are simply a gal like all the rest going about her business. People are generally too busy to notice you. If they do notice, why do you care?

Some gals find that wearing sunglasses gives them a sense of security. If you need to speak, do so softly and slower then you normally do? Try to avoid that falsetto that everyone cansee past.

An LGBTI bar or party is always a great “bet” for an outing, espicially a first outing. Or the village in NYC – just about anywhere there is safe, check the events calendar in the community section with listings of friendly places to go.

For an outstanding first experience try known establishments like a FemmeFever event. We are having our Gala Ball on April 18th and go out of our way to make it comfortable and fun for all! From walking you into the ballroom from your car or room – and more.

Do a little exploring… Ask around… check out the New York or Arts & Enertainment section for past events that maybe coming around again.

There is more out there for you then imaginable! Sharing the experience is priceless!

 

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Abigail Thorn Comes Out As Trans

Abigail Thorn of philosophy tube came out a transgender! In the clip, she says she came out “ages ago” in private, but this was the first time she was telling her fans.

It begins: “Hello friends! I’m delighted to say I am a trans woman; my name is Abigail and you can refer to me with she/her.”

She thanked those close to her who had kept her news secret while she “prepared to come out publicly”.

Thorn continued: “Things are very, very bad for trans people in the UK, and they’re getting worse.”

“My existing following means I have now instantly become one of the most recognisable transgender people in the country and I feel an enormous pressure to be ‘good at it’.”

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Abigail Thorn (born 24 April 1993) is a British actress and YouTuber who produces the YouTube channel Philosophy Tube.

The channel began in 2013, when Thorn sought to provide free lessons in philosophy in the wake of the 2012 increase in British tuition fees. Her videos discuss philosophy through a left-wing perspective often informed by developments in contemporary politics.

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Transgender Celebrities: Laverne Cox

Laverne Cox (born May 29, 1972) is an American actress and LGBTI+ advocate. Featured as Sophia Burset in the Netflix series Orange Is the New Black, she became the first openly transgender person to be nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award in any acting category. She is the first open transsexual shown.

In 2015, Laverne Cox won a Daytime Emmy Award for the Outstanding Private Class Special as executive producer of Presents: The T Word, becoming the first openly transgender woman to win this award.

In 2017, she became the first transgender person to play a transgender character on the TV broadcast as Cameron Wirth on CBS’s Doubt series.

The ‘Orange is the New Black’ star talks to The Hollywood Reporter about nearly quitting acting and why she’s chosen to use her latest awards nod to spotlight other trans performers.

When Laverne Cox turned 40 in May 2012, she was knee-deep in debt and ready to trade in the title of “actress” for “grad student.”

After 20 years of grinding out a career as a performer in New York, Cox had a conversation with a onetime co-worker from Lucky Cheng’s Restaurant & Bar, where she was working at the time. “They had just gone to school and were about to graduate from graduate school and they were like, ‘You need to go to school,’ ” she recalled. She agreed. “When I moved to New York City in 1993, I thought I would be a superstar in two, three years tops. That didn’t quite happen.”

Though she had some film and TV credits on her resume, it felt like the time had come to close the curtain. “It was a devastating realization. It’s like, OK, you’re 40 years old. Maybe that’s all God wanted for me in this business. Maybe this is all I’m supposed to do. Now I should just listen to what the universe seems to be telling me about this acting thing and try something else. Then I got this audition. It turns out that God had a different plan.”

That blueprint included a seven-year run playing Sophia Burset on the Netflix prison series Orange is the New Black, a role that has garnered the now-47-year-old three Emmy nominations for outstanding guest actress. It’s a historic feat — Cox was the first transgender performer ever nominated for an acting award — and one, she admits, she’s still processing. “The day it happened, I cried,” Cox told The Hollywood Reporter during a recent In Studio visit. “I was in London shooting a film [Jolt with Kate Beckinsale]. I was even more surprised about this one than the other two. If this is happening now, there has to be a bigger reason.”

Cox has decided that the reason should be for her to help shift the spotlight to other transgender performers in Hollywood. “The year when a show like Pose is on the air and I honestly thought I would no longer be the only trans person nominated for an acting Emmy. No other trans actors were nominated this year, I thought, okay, this is an opportunity to lift up those performances to talk about this,” she said. “Like, invite the Television Academy members to consider the brilliant work of some of the trans actors who are working on television. Certainly, you know, an Emmy should be about the work and the talent and what you’ve brought to the craft, but, you know, in 2019, why should there just be one trans person who’s been nominated for an acting Emmy?”

Even though it is her, Cox is not content claiming all the credit. “I share this nomination with everyone in our cast, in our crew. I love all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for seven incredible years,” she said. “Thank you, Jenji Kohan.”

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Maddie Hasson Has Come Out as Bisexual

The ‘Impulse’ star – who tied the knot with her composer husband Julian Brink in 2015 – opened up about her sexuality on social media when asked to share a “photo with gay/bi vibes” by one of her followers.

Responding to the question on her Instagram Story, she replied: “Hi, I’m bi and proud!”

Meanwhile, the ‘Twisted’ actress recently spoke about the challenges of playing the role of Henrietta ‘Henry’ Coles, “who internalises a lot of her emotions”, in the YouTube Originals drama series ‘Impulse’.

The teen possesses the ability to teleport, but has no control over her destination.

The 26-year-old star said last month of her alter ego: “Yeah, it’s definitely interesting to play somebody who internalises a lot of her emotions because I think there’s a tendency when you’re creating a story, to want to see some of those beats externalised. It’s easy to want to go in that direction, but that would go against the character. So, it’s hard finding a balance of getting what we need to tell the story while also staying true to who she is and the reality of her, as a person.”

Maddie will next be seen in James Wan’s upcoming horror flick, ‘Malignant’, which is slated for release by Warner Bros. in 2021.

The motion picture was due to be released in 2020, but was delayed due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Subsequently, the film will now stream simultaneously on HBO Max for a limited period.

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What is Bisexuality?

Bisexuality is often defined as having an interest in or romantic feelings towards people of both sexes.

Thus, a bisexual man will be attractive to men as well as women. A bisexual woman will be attracted to men as well as women.

Men and women who say they are bisexual love men and women at the same time or at different times in their lives. As opposed to a black and white vision that opposes two completely separate worlds (heterosexuality and homosexuality), bisexuality brings together a wide variety of situations between the two. The word “bisexuality” used in its present sense by doctors and psychologists at the end of the 19th century is quite new.

Conversely, what we now consider “bisexuality” was common in some ancient civilizations or cultures where there was limited contact with the Western world. For some scholars of sexuality (Sigmund Freud, Alfred Kinsey) people are bisexual and it is the society that determines the “norm” or possible. Identifying yourself as “bisexual” is more common during adolescence than at other ages. Some people quickly realize that this is a stage for gays who are not yet “compromised”. Others see this as a sign of snobbery among some heterosexuals. Fortunately, bisexuals are increasingly being accepted for who they are in their diversity. And you meet bisexuals of all ages.

Bisexual people are more reluctant than anyone else to label their experiences. This is also found in characters in novels that can be described as such “in spite of themselves”, such as Balthazar in Cédric Érard’s book, Jai no sleep, or Elio in Later or Never.

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Women and Bisexuality

Bisexuality has different meanings for different people. Bisexuality can be defined as the potential of a person to be attracted physically, emotionally and/or sexually to people regardless of their gender. In its simplest form, bisexuality is the attraction of a person to men and women. More complex forms may include attractions to transgendered people for example, a married woman makes love to her husband while he crossdresses as a woman or a lesbian is in a relationship with a male identified pre-operative female to male transsexual.

More women than you think harbor bisexual feelings, dreams and fantasies. Many keep them at that level. Others express them through close emotional but non-sexual friendships. Still other women rejoice in their bisexuality, whether out publicly or privately, in social or political settings, in their relationships or just through sex. Some women discover their bisexuality at an early age while others find it emerges over time as one becomes aware of and open to life’s possibilities. Some women, as do some men, try to ignore or suppress their feelings and deny whom they really are. They may choose to call themselves straight or lesbian to fit the expectations of others or their own need to belong. One should strive to be true to one’s self first through accepting one’s feelings and accepting others.This can lead to more open, honest, caring and fulfilling relationships and an inner peace and happiness.

Some people falsely believe that bisexuality is about swinging with other couples or singles of both genders. The truth is that bisexuality is about whom you are, not whom you are with. That aside, most bisexual people tend to be attracted to one gender more or less than the other. The degree of attraction towards one or the other can also change over time, even from week to week. Many bisexual people live their lives in monogamous relationships, committed to one partner but aware of their attractions towards other men and women. Others may have serial monogamous relationships or live in triads or group relationships or have a primary relationship and secondary partners. Many now turn to bisexual support and social groups for friendships.

Why not !!! Choosing a Bisexual identity to describe yourself is as valid as any other person who chooses a Gay, Lesbian, Queer or Straight identity. Whatever identity a person chooses, it should be their choice and not forced upon them by others, society or subjected to criticism, harassment or discrimination by others. Our sexual identity is only one of many identities we have: student, wife, mother, business woman, activist, poet, greenie, Aboriginal, Chinese, Australian, black, white, working class, feminist, lover, etc.

Some women choose bisexual labels that identify themselves further such as Straight-Identified Bisexual, or Lesbian-Identified Bisexual, Bisexual Queer, Bisexual Lesbian or Bisexual Dyke. Just “Bi” is often used. Being Bisexual is about being in touch with your feelings rather than whom you’re having sex with. It is about not limiting your options to one gender.

Your sexual identity can be a very private thing or a very public thing. It might be used in a very sexual way or a very political way. You may use it to describe the way you feel or the way you behave or the type of relationships you have. The way you express your bisexuality must ultimately be your choice for happiness.

“In dealing with such issues (husband’s bisexuality) I have examined my own sexuality. I have had to admit to myself that I too could be bi-sexual. I have acknowledged to myself that if I was looking for a partner again, I might not limit potential choices to just men. I have shared this with a few people close to me (including Peter). I have to thank Peter for providing a framework to explore this issue without a lot of negativity or guilt. I ponder why sexual orientation can change during a person’s lifetime. I have also begun to question how much of an individual’s sexual orientation is due to socialisation and how much much is biological. Perhaps a lot more people who regard themselves as gay/lesbian or heterosexual, are in fact bi-sexual.”

From “My Journey” by Octavia Filbert, 1995.

Women, HIV/AIDS and Sexual Health

Women are not immune to sexually transmitted diseases including the Human Immuno-deficiency Virus (HIV). World wide, it was estimated that the number of women with HIV and AIDS will surpass the number of men by the year 2000. In the USA, AIDS is the leading killer of young women while in Australia, the number of new HIV infections in women is slowly on the rise. The rate of HIV infection in parts of Central Europe, Africa, Central & South America, India and South East Asia is still increasing.

HIV is found in the vaginal secretions, in blood, semen (cum), in breast milk, in the secretions inside the arse (rectum) of infected people. Unprotected sex can transmit HIV and diseases such as gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, genital warts and hepatitis B from an infected person to an uninfected woman or man. A woman can transmit these diseases to another woman through infected vaginal and anal secretions or blood via fingers, fists, sex toys or on the penis of a mutual male partner.

The use of disposable gloves and condoms can reduce the risk of infection. Use condoms and a water based lubricant when having intercourse with men. While the risk of HIV infection through oral sex is low, it has occured and other sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted during oral-vaginal, oral-anal or oral-penile sex. The use of a barrier such as a dental dam or condom can be used. HIV and some other infections can be transmitted from mother to baby in the womb, during birth or may occur during breast feeding. The sharing of needles to inject drugs or medication can transmit HIV, Hepatitis B and C and syphilis so always use clean needles and syringes and never share them. Genital wart infections have been linked to cancer of the cervix and sexually active women should have regular pap smear screening and women over 40 should have regular breast and pap smear screening. Vaccinations for Hepatitis A and B are available from sexual health clinics or your doctor.

Be wise, be safe.

Presented by the Australian Bisexual Network – 2013