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Feminine Body Language & Dating For The New Trans Woman

Feminine gestures can send silent signals of desire, or communicate a complete lack of interest.

Are you new at going out as a woman and understanding the subtle signs of attraction or lack thereof? Before you launch yourself into the line of fire, take time to practice the basics of creating that first three-second impression that states Female and not “Guy In A Dress”.

As a “Femininity Coach” for genetic women and now Transgendered women, I have created the most important signals a TG woman must focus on and practice – to not give off those subtle male cues. I often hear, “Is it my voice”? Or, “perhaps my beard concealer isn’t working”. Being perceived as female is not as simple as paying to have makeup, wigs, and beautiful clothing, but instead requires time, practice, and a new awareness of not falling back into moving, gesturing and speaking as a male.

First, let’s remember that when it comes to the silent signs of sexual attraction, we are no different than the animal kingdom – which communicates their interest in mating, by using certain body signals. Often, with females it boils down to the message, “I am submissive, harmless and more approachable”. For the new TG woman, you may be wondering ‘what are these secret signals genetic women know how to use?’ Welcome in to the circle of knowing and using age old flirting techniques of confident women – and now this secret potion lies within your reach also! I have made a list of my top eight body language cues, which I teach my TG women to be perceived as a female especially during flirtation. Let’s start at the top and work down.

Tilted Head and Lifted Shoulders

Women tend to have more animated head and shoulder movement, while men are socialized to hold their head and shoulders very linear. When a female is flirting, two of the most easily detected signs of attraction are (1) tilting her head slightly forward while looking up at someone from under the eyebrows and (2) smiling while lifting and rolling her shoulders. These motions indicate that a woman is softer, more compliant and interested in dating!

Pointed Toe and Knee Movement

While standing, a feminine woman keeps weigh back only on one foot, allowing the free front foot to be pointed so she can tilt and move her toe. Next time you’re out, lift the heel of the pointed toe and allow the knee to rotate in an inward “swaying” movement and see if those new heels will suggest definite interest. This technique also creates a more “shrinking” effect, which is a less threatening profile.

Wrist Forward, Cupped Hands

When speaking, woman use softer, more flowing hand movements. Specifically, take note of whether the palms are facing upward, while gesturing and resting on a table. Practice, using slow, fluid flowing hands with a broken wrist, as if you were moving your hands under water. Keeping your wrist forward, using flowing hands, and cupping your fingers, are all gestures, which are psychologically friendlier.

SSSS- Curve. Everything Starts With S!

S-CURVE – There is a distinctly feminine way to move and hold yourself. Simply put, truly feminine women have learned to stand, sit and move their bodies in curves – mostly S curves, while men generally stand, sit and walk very linear – they stay in a box, such as the letter “I”. A truly feminine woman pulls her weight up by lifting her torso and bust – while twisting at the waist. Lift and twist. Lifting your weight prevents weight from dropping down into your feet, especially when wearing heels!

Slower Steps

Men walk twice as fast as most women, especially in heels. Make an effort to slow your stride down. Regardless of how nervous you are, slow everything down. There is no weight dropping down into your feet, especially when your heels are over two inches!

Shorter Stride

To appear more sensual and feminine, try taking half the size step you generally take.

You will find walking in heels will require balance. By taking shorter steps, you will avoid tripping and you will appear more feminine and poised.

Smaller Space

Men have spaces – open space between their arms and body, and between their knees and feet. Men stand linear on the floor with their weight evenly distributed on both feet. Ideally, a feminine woman (and we know all women today are not always feminine) will generally close up the spaces between their arms and torso, between their knees and their feet. The smaller size capsule you have, the smaller space you will take up. By walking and standing in less space, you appear shorter, smaller, and more feminine.

Swinging Arm

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Swinging your arms from your shoulder (as men do) may be a behavior that is giving you away. Let your arms rest gently down the side of your legs allowing for a natural delicate arm swing from your elbows. You should practice keeping your elbows turned inward and slightly bent and touching your torso. Men generally have longer arms than women, so bending your elbows; will give the appearance of shorter and smaller arms.

Now, go put on your favorite pair of heels, and create your own unique, feminine, flirtatious body language

2008, by Denae Doyle @femimage.com

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Femininity Can’t Be Bought, Femininity Tips for Transsexuals

I kind of knew it all along. But I never found the right words to say it in a such simple way. It finally dawned on me, after attending Denaë Doyle’s seminar on “Expressing the Woman Within with Dance”. We can spend as much money as we want on surgeries, hair, cosmetics, clothes and accessories, but all that cannot take us all the way to true femininity. These things might make us look and feel feminine, but they are not the whole story as the world sees it.

Because femininity is a lot more than the ‘facade’. It includes who we are and how we express ourselves in everyday situations. It includes how we carry ourselves, how we move, how we communicate, and how we relate to others. Nothing in the world can ‘buy’ this for us. We’ve got to work on it by ourselves, or (better) with the help of a good instructor. Sure, this costs money, too! But not nearly as much as we typically spend on surgeries or hair removal. The downside: we have to do the hardest part of the work – no matter how good or expensive our ‘femininity coach’ might be.

Feminine Movement and voice are neglected too easily in the transition process. We take our pictures, and see a woman. What else do we want?

Well, real life is a little more complicated, Because the photo camera is exchanged for real people’s eyes and ears, along with their perception of what a woman is or should be.

Here is where the difference between being tolerated and being accepted comes to play. Sure, in the San Francisco Bay Area you will find more tolerance than anywhere else – and that’s greatly appreciated. If that’s the only thing important to you, you don’t have much to worry about. But if you are like me, if you like the freedom to travel safely outside of the Bay Area, if you don’t want your gender status to be recognized immediately, then buckle up for a rough ride towards the land of true femininity.

I often hear excuses, like “I am too tall to pass”, “I have too big of a frame size”, “I don’t have a butt”, or “My hands are too large”. Think twice: Genetic females come in all shapes and sizes, and nobody questions their femininity. I have seen countless women with those attributes, but usually they knew how to play them down. It’s something you can learn, too! But it takes some effort. To get started, consider shifting your reading from Glamour magazine to books like “Flatter Your Figure” by Jan Larkey. Then ask a fashion or feminine image consultant for help. The book will help you understand her recommendations.

Now you can focus on the ‘tough stuff’ – moving and speaking like a woman. This is hard work, and it is somewhat difficult to evaluate yourself. Unless you really have a fine eye and ear for detail, you will need some kind of femininity or voice coach sooner or later. You can get your feet wet with books like “Creating a Feminine Carriage” by Elaine Sagant, or the videos like “Develop a Female Voice” by Melanie Ann Phillips (also available as CD or tape).

Learning to speak like a woman is a lot like learning a foreign language (I learned two – English and French – and it helped!). You will need to practice with somebody who is qualified, honest and unbiased. That’s where the consultants come in. They can teach you more systematically and efficiently, and have the experience to monitor your progress in detail. If you are tight on money, consider a combination of consulting and self-learning. Either way, you will have to practice. A lot…

And while we are talking about practicing: Learn to smile – even in difficult situations. It breaks the ice and opens the door to earn the sympathy and trust of others. It can be the magic bullet to get you out of an embarrassing situation. Haven’t we all been there?

It’s never too late to learn. However, you might have an easier transition, if you develop much of your femininity before you start living full time. This also gives you a more realistic outlook on what to expect in that new role. I have done it that way, and was overwhelmed with the acceptance and support I experienced, once I announced the change. I had gone through great lengths before I finally made the change – including two trips to Europe, to test the waters in my native culture. So far these efforts have paid off. I wish everyone a similar experience!

2008, by Natalie – @femimage.com

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How to Help Your Trans Children

Transsexualism is a condition where the person’s body is one gender and the mind and soul or essence is the opposite gender of what they are physically born with. Indeed it is a proven to be a birth condition. In studies it has been determined that the size of the hypothalmus in the brain, in Male to female (MTF) Transsexuals (TS) is female in size and in Female to Males FTM’s it is male in size. It is the hypothalmus that govern’s ones sexuality. Many assume that being Ts is a matter of choice. It is not. It has nothing to do with religion or will power. It is a product of our enviornment and even nature itself. There are other species of fish and animals that are transsexual.

Besides who would choose this life on purpose? It is a life where most know what they are as their first conscious thought at the age of four or five that body and mind don’t match up. Interests are very different than others of the same physical gender. The MTF doesn’t want to participate in boy activities and the FTM doesn’t like girl ones. They truely feel they are the opposite gender of what their eyes tell them and you. Few will listen to their pleas to let them be themselves though.

Children instinctively know when one of their peers doesn’t fit in. Ts’s are bullied, taunted and ridiculed. Their lives will be hell at a time they should be happy. Many start to blend in out of self preservation internalizing their true selves. Many may not be whole for many years, if at all. Its like having part of you in a spastic coma, unable to respond. While all appears to be well with the Transsexual child everything is far from ok. The child may become depressed and lonley as he/she has no peers. When possible some may dress as their true gender when opportunity presents itself. This isn’t crossdressing to the Ts, but an expression of ones self.

The years pass until puberty arrives and the Transsexual childs Horror story begins. While most teens embrace their metamorphsis it is a living nightmare for the transsexual. All their body parts are changing into something most feel is monsterous and foreign to them. If they weren’t themselves before, they certainly are further away from that now. They are growing in a very wrong direction. At this age many start “cutting” away at their own changing body parts and limbs. The TS suicide attempt rate is as high as 50% at this age. Some will die without parents knowing why. The transsexual teen is painfully alone in his/her disfigurement. Even normal teenage self-gratifaction becomes extremely confusing instead of reassuring. Some may not be able to at all. They grow abhorent to their own bodies.

Many older transsexuals did not have a happy childhood. They were forced to be something they were not. Most were seen to be going through a phase. Children in a homophobic family are not going to confide in their parents. Mom and Dad are more worried about their children becoming “gay” and may try to reinforce the childs physical gender. It doesn’t work and often drives the child deeper into themselves and into dispair. Ts’s who make it to their 20’s and beyond often regret that their childhoods did not exist in their perceived gender. Some elevate the illusion of their physical bodies gender and sometimes even marry, praying that it all goes away. These marriages rarely work though. They are often left with the aftermath of puberty that will make passing in their true gender almost impossible. Many will need to face expensive body and facial surgeries in order to look somewhat believable. What about the 6’6″ MTF and the 5’1″ FTM? How do they fit in? Many are worried about this. Today many aging Transsexuals have had horriffic lives and are changing as late as the mid 60’s. Lives are shattered and reborn. Careers and relationships in tatters they face rebuilding often alone.

We now know that the earlier the Transsexual is treated the better their chances are for fullfilled and happier lives. Treatment can begin as early as when school age is achieved. The first step is to obtain a Gender Therapist for your child. They can help come up with a plan and goals to achieve. In some schools it is possible for a child to attend school in their true gender, with the therapists backing. As early as the age of eleven hormone blockers can be introduced to delay puberty after Tanner Stage 2. Cross-sex Hormones can now be given at age 16. Your teen wil develop as other teens in their true gender would with the exception that they could not have children. There are guidlines in place that therapists and Surgeons must follow called The HBIGDA Standards of Care.

Children who go through treatment at an early age will be able to remember their childhoods in their true genders. Both the hormone blockers and hormones will make passability much easier as children will appear much like their peers will. Heights will be more normal. Lonliness should be less likely and voices for both MTF’s and FTM’s will develop in more normal ranges. Older Transsexuals will not develop any of these advantages. So the earlier the Transsexual starts treatment the better.

Kids are very resilent. As long as they are provided the basic tools that other children have they can do well and learn and grow. The untreated transsexual wil sorely lack in social skills at a time they need them most to develop fully. This will not serve them well. Delaying treatment is a mistake and will stunt that growth. Your child will likely not grow out of this, it is not a phase. So I urge you to contact a gender professional for your child today. Your childs future depends upon it. We have it in our power to make sure that present and future TS generations do not have older, newly emerging, troubled transsexuals in their 40’s 50’s and 60’s, trying to salvage wrecked lives. The Transsexual suicide rate of 31% can drop dramatically with early childhood intervention. It all begins today.

Laura Amato

2006, @ Laura’s Playground

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Real Life Horror Films

Most of us love a good Horror Film. We wait for that moment when we are truly scared as our heart jumps out of our chest. We spasm in our seats and our feet come off of the floor. We love that thrill. What about afterwards will we be scared? Its not likely because it wasn’t real. We tell ourselves over and over “Its only a movie” pass the popcorn.

Imagine though that you were the character and that this was really happening to you. Our minds couldn’t fathom such a cataclysmic disaster of such biblical proportions. Our minds would literally shatter.

Yet everyday Transsexual Teens go through a real life horror story called puberty. Body Parts are turning into something foreign to them. Voices are changing, things are growing. They are becoming their worst nightmare right inside of their own skin, something repulsive to them. Its sheer terror. Meanwhile their peers are going through the same thing but its different for them. They embrace their metamorphosis as the caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Their minds and bodies become one. This is not the case of the Transsexual teen.

In the movies at least the victim at least has other characters to share their terror with. In real life though transsexual teens often go through their horror alone. Most dare not share what’s happening to them. They dare not tell their homophobic parents and most have few if any real friends. Most school counselors are ill trained and overcome with their own prejudices to be helpful. The terror is the same whether its for male to female (MTF) Transsexuals or female to males. Who do they tell? Imagine the terror as a Teen FTM has monthly periods and an MTF Transsexual has nocturnal erections. Who will quiet their nightmares?

Teenage years are difficult enough for everyone. It certainly is no picnic even for a psychologically healthy kid. A transsexual teen though does not have this advantage. Their minds and bodies are not in harmony with each other. Most have know this from their earliest memories at the age of four or five. Growing up knowing you are a different gender than what you appear is the essence of a living nightmare.

Is there a solution? Yes there is. It involves non-judgmental listening. Don’t assume this is just a phase. This has been with them since Kindergarten or earlier. Its only rearing its head now because of the terrifying physical changes they are going through. Their minds didn’t suddenly change. They’ve always felt this way.

Whether you are a parent or a school counselor it is important that you recognize this as a life threatening reality. The only solution is to get Professional help from a competent Gender Dysphoria Specialist.

Bear in mind that the suicide attempt rate for preoperative Transsexuals has been estimated as high as 50%. Many are from their teenage years when they are most vulnerable. Transsexuality is not a moral dilemma, it is a physical one.

Parents are often shocked because they feel they would know if their son or daughter had any opposite sex traits, such as excessive femininity or masculinity. They don’t realize that many transsexuals hide it and don’t really want to be what they are for their own protection. Puberty is often the distress trigger. Transsexuality is not a choice but rather is inborn. It is not a moral choice and there is scientific proof to bear that out (see link below). It is a medical condition.

If steps are taken now to just listen to our transgendered teens and take real action then the odds of them living a normal life as themselves is very good. The sooner their nightmare ends the better for all concerned. One can only hope that the incidence of those that have lived through 50 years of Gender Dysphoria will come to an end. Even one year is too much.

2006, By Laura Amato @ Laura’s Playground

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Do Hormones change your mind?

There are many who say that any mind changes for those on MTF (male to female) hormones are mostly psy-chological.They also say that any sexual orientation changes are psychological as well. Does this mean that if this does happen that there was some secret desire there all along? Some say yes. I say No. I believe that at least Female hormones can change the way we think, who we’re attracted to and what our intrests are. I suspect that that is true of male hormones as well.

Let me start by saying that I’ve been in therapy off and on since I was 21 years old. I’m 55 now. The longest stint in therapy is the most recent, 20 years. You would think that in all that time if there were any secret desires or intrests that I would’ve noticed them before i recently restarted hormones again after a long absense. Certainly my shrink of 20 years would’ve found that out.

I’ve got to say that from my own experience that estrogen no matter what the source can have a powerful effect on the mind. Actually most changes were subtle while one a few years ago was quite a shock.

Editor’s note 1: Originally I took herbal phytoestrogen’s because the ad’s said they were safe. What they didn’t say is that for feminization they were recommending mega dose of 8 pills a day when the actual suggestion on the bottle was 1 a day for menopausal syptoms in born women. In March 1996 I had a stroke from bleeding on the brain. My Doctor said it was caused by excessive blood thinning from the high doses. Since I was already on blood thinners this was a disaster. He also said that the pills significantly raise chloresterol which leads to clogged arteries and heart attacks. In three 1/2 years we have had several reports of users here who have had strokes and heart attacks while on Phytoestrogens. All took the megadoses recommended for trans people. To me this is proof that phytoestrogens are not safe at least for trans people. The slight miniscule growth I got was not worth a stroke. All of us reported this to the manufacturers who did not return our calls. This indicates they know full well of the risks though they still insist they are safe.

Editor’s note: In August of 2004 I went to an Endocrinologist who prescribed .4mg Estradol and 2 mg of Premarin. In November of 2004 I had to stop hormones because of a bloodclot in my leg. I am Presently hoping to restart hormones soon after blood levels are satisfactory. When I do restart it will be without the Premarin.

I used to kid my girlfriend about her cleaning habits. No matter where she was she always felt obligated to clean up. I’ve always at least cleaned up after myself but not to the point she does. Even if we’re in a bar she’ll take everything in front of us bring it up to the bar, ask for a rag and wipe up the place we were sitting in front of. She’d even do this kind of thing in other peoples homes. I’d explain that’s what waitresses are paid for. Now after restarting hormones for a couple of months I find myself doing the same thing everywhere I go. Even others have noticed. My bartender recently pointed that out to me. I don’t even think about it.

Another change is I’ve always been into video games. I’d spend hours at it. I even had a web site devoted too it. Suddenly I stopped and lost all intrest and closed the site and stopped playing. While I’ve never been a sports nut I always at least watched the major games especially when the local teams were playing. Now I’m not intrested at all. Out of the blue I developed an intrest in sewing. I used to throw out shirts with missing buttons and now I’m making myself an apron. Wow! Does this mean at the family holiday gatherings I’ll automatically start washing dishes with the girls instead of watching football with the guys? I tend to think so. The wierd thing is my behavior is changing and I’m not even offically out of the closet yet, though that will be soon. Even the words I’ve used have changed all without even thinking about it. It makes me wonder who creates stereo-types. Is it really society or hormones? Fortunatley I don’t mind these changes. In fact I embrace them.

About three years ago I tried the hormones for the second time. I stayed on them for almost six months. Then something happened that scared me and I suddenly stopped them. I’ll tell you why. I always have always been attracted to women. if you check my bio you’ll see that I can’t stand men. I can’t even imagine a friendship with one let alone a relationship even if I become the woman I desire. One day I noticed something. This woman whose derrierre I have admired and lusted after for years suddenly didn’t intrest me. Instead I noticed this one guys ass and it shocked the hell out of me enough to quit the hormones. Why? Was it psychological? I don’t think so.

This time on hormones (2 months) I’ve noticed none of that. if anything, no one intrests me any more. The one thing I did notice was that all three times on hormones I did notice one thing though. I suddenly got intrested in shopping… shopping… Shopping.

Hmmmm.. so my changing estrogen soaked brain is coming to a conclusion here, but is it logical? If you want to stop a woman from shopping give her testosterone and if my girlfriend wants her sons to clean there rooms she should give them estrogen. I wonder if all the worlds problems could be solved this easily?

Sounds logical to me.

Laura, 2006 @ Laura’s Playground

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What is Gender Identity?

Gender is a primary category in which individuals both identify themselves and are identified by others. Gender is not a set of binary categpries, but rather a spectrum. The concept of gender can be restrictive in many ways. People are generally expected to identify as a particular gender, the one which has been assigned to them, and act in specific ways deemed accordingly. While gender roles are the expectations a culture has of one’s behavior as appropriate for male or female, gender identity is, the individual’s actual subjective sense of belonging to the female or male category or neither of the two.

Some people discover that their gender identity does not match the gender role they have been assigned, a condition traditionally referred to as gender dysphoria. In other circumstances, children may be born with both sets of genitalia, a condition referred to as being intersexed.

However, bipolar definitions of gender with the assumption of them matching one’s biological sex can create an either/or situation in which people fail to see the existence of an in between. There are severe ramifications. People who do not identify as the gender they have been assigned face the threat of violence, actual physical attacks, verbal assaults, in the worst cases murder, and at the very least mockery and scrutiny.

Interpretations of Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation

Various research and theoretical writing from people such as Kate Bornstein and John Money have examined the notion that gender is a fluid category with room for movement. (Crooks and Baur1998 and Bornstein, 1994) Bipolar definitions, for the most part, require that the gender roles for both men and women involve heterosexuality. This is not always the case. Gay men and lesbian women continue to define themselves as men and women while maintaining primary interest in people of the same gender. There is a conceptual middle ground, almost a crossing between the continuum of gender and sexuality. The existence of people who openly cross this line is certain. Gender identity theories are complex and explanations range from those rooted in psychological, sociological, and biological interpretations, to the personal anecdotes of those whose life experiences have led them to examine the concept of gender. Gender Assignment

Sex is generally referred to as the biological category involving the existence of certain genitalia and reproductive capabilities. Many times people attribute the word “natural” or “normal” to that which exists biologically. Gender is a category which currently maintains two supposed distinct and opposing components. The truth is that many variations in sex exist on a purely biological level. For example, turner’s syndrome involves the existence of female reproductive internal and external structures (Crooks and Baur 1998). Most people with this identify as female however they do not develop breasts nor are they fertile. Klinefelter’s syndrome involves the development of small testes, male reproductive internal structures but also may result in feminization of secondary sex characteristics such as breast development and rounded body contours(Crooks and Baur, 1998). People with Klinefelter’s vary in their gender identity. Androgen insensitivity syndrome involves a lack of set of either male of female internal structures (Crooks and Baur 1998). Puberty may result in breast development but menstruation does not occur. Although they have XY chromosomes, these people mainly identify as female. Several other examples of “natural,” biological contradictions to the binary definitions of sex exist. Suzanne Kessler discussed several problems in choosing the gender of “intersexed infants…babies born with genitals that are neither male nor female.” (Kessler, 1990 ) She notes that the ground on which the determination of a biological male or female is made are socially rooted in “…such cultural factors as the ‘correct’ length of the penis and the capacity of the vagina.” (Kessler, 1990) This sex assignment by persons other than the individual him/herself can cause conflict later in life. If one thing is clear, it is the idea that whatever the root of an individual’s gender identity, it should be a personal decision.

It is important, therefore, to remember that gender identity could have biological roots, but it does not necessarily have to. Many people maintain a gender identity which opposes the gender role they are assigned without having a biologically identifiable root to their gender identity. Gender is a fluid category involving a spectrum of attributes which contribute to gender identity. In the biological respect, there are examples of chromosomal and hormonal combinations in which an individual cannot strictly be deemed a man or woman. In this respect, there are as many sexes as there are humans. On the psychological and social level, several people do not feel that they fit in with other people of the same gender as themselves- they do not feel a part of the gender that they have been assigned without any identifiable biological (hormonal, chromosomal) distinctions between themselves and other people of the same gender. Gender and sex do not necessarily coincide, nor do gender assignment and gender identity. Often times the concepts of gender identity, gender role, and sexual orientation become mixed. But, each is separate and not necessarily a determinant of the next.

Transgender People

The notion of a gender continuum becomes a reality by examining the existence transgender people. The broadest definition of people who identify as transgender includes “anyone who bends or challenges traditional gender roles” (Youth Resource Library). Transgender people contest gender norms “by wearing clothing not generally associated with their own sex and in some cases by modifying their bodies to be more like those of the other sex”(Youth Resource Library). This definition encompasses a large number of people including: intersexed people, transvestites, drag queens/kings, transexuals, and androgynes.

Intersexed people, as mentioned before, are born with genitals “which show characteristics of both sexes” (Youth Resource Library). Transvestites or crossdressers wear clothing traditionally worn by the other gender on occasion, but do not have the desire to change their sex. It is estimated that the percentage of crossdressers in the heterosexual and homosexual communities is about equally at 10% (Crooks & Baur, 1998). This means that 90% of transvestites are heterosexual (Crooks & Baur, 1998). Drag queens/kings present exagerated images of men and women using stereotypes mainly for entertainment. Transexuals feel trapped in the body of the wrong sex. Many transexual people develop a sense of inconformity with their genital anatomy at a young age; some recall identifying strongly with characteristics of the other sex as early as five, six, or seven tears of age (Crooks & Baur 1998). Most transexual people lead heterosexual lifestyles and “…prefer to have sexual relations with a member of the other sex.” – meaning other than the gender they identify as (Crooks and Baur 1998). About 50% of those who have sex changes are female to male transexuals (FTM) (Crooks &Baur;, 1998). The other half are male to female (MTF) (Crooks & Baur, 1998). The number of people living as the gender other than the one they were assigned range from 50,000 to 75,000 and an estimated 25,000 Americans have sex-changing surgery (Brook, 1998). Androgynes or gender blenders “merge the characteristics of both sexes” (Crooks and Baur,1998).

Being transgender has no determinable correlation to being homosexual. Apart from sexuality, transgender people confront gender roles and act in opposition to them. Although they are distinct and unique, each of the above categories challenges gender roles.

The Impact of Gender Identity

The gender identity of an individual can have an incredible impact on his/her life experiences. For example an individual might maintain the gender identity which conflicts with the gender role s/he is assigned. In this case gender, one category generally perceived as simplistic and bipolar, becomes an area of extreme confusion and discontent. Aside from genitalia, which remains generally unexposed, society maintains certain expectation of what each gender should look, sound, and act like. Any deviation from these rigid models opens a person up to at the very least ridicule. Challenging gender roles is often the source of harrassment. Adolescence is a period of growth and development already filled with feelings of awkwardness. Understanding of these concepts open doors to a world of greater understanding and possibly even compassion. Presently, there is little space for those who do not fit within a specific set of gender definitions and regulations. There is a need to look beyond what we see or think we know about other people and start listening to what they know about themselves.

References

  1. Bornstein, K., Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us. Vintage Books, 1994
  2. Brook, J., Sex Change Industry a Boon to Small City. New York Times November 8, 1998
  3. Crooks, R. & Baur, K., Our Sexuality: Seventh Edition. Brooks/ Cole Publishing Company, 1997
  4. Kessler, S., “The Medical Construction of Gender: Case Management of Intersexed Infants” in Signs. Division of Natural Sciences, State University of New York College at Purchase, 1990
  5. Stoltenberg, J., “How Men Have (a) Sex.” in Reconstructing Gender: A Multicultural Anthology. Mayfield Publishing Company, 1997
  6. Youth Resource Library Transgender: What is it? youthresource.com/library/trans.htm

youthresource.com/feat/trans/art_gen.htm – 2004

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Transgenderism

Transgenderism is the practice of transgressing gender norms. A Transgender person is someone whose gender display at least sometimes runs contrary to what other people in the same culture would normally expect. Transgender folks come in several flavors:

  • FTM (female to male) are people who were born female but see themselves as partly to fully masculine.
  • MTF (male to female) are people who were born male but see themselves as partly to fully feminine.
  • Intersexed are those born with some combination of male and female physiology [similar to hermaphrodite], who may accept as natural their mixed gender.

Gender variations are more common than most people suspect, because many people hide their true nature out of fear for their safety and security. Many people explore transgender behavior without identifying themselves as transgendered. Women wearing pants may not seem transgender today, but fifty years ago it would have been. Boys wearing “girl’s clothes” might not see themselves as inherently feminine, yet enjoy playing in this way. While crossdressing is enjoyed by both males and females, it appears to be more pronounced in males because of an imbalance in norms of attire and attitude (we see less transgression when a woman wears a suit).

In order to understand the difference between someone who is gay, lesbian, or bisexual, and someone who is transgender, you need to be clear on the distinction between sex and gender. Simplistically, sex is polarity of anatomy, gender is polarity of appearance and behavior. As one becomes more closely involved with transgenderism, these definitions quickly break down, but they serve as a good starting point.

BIPOLARITY

Most people think there are just two sexes, male and female. Such is not the case. People who are intersexed and people who are transsexual constitute sexes which are neither exactly male nor exactly female.

Likewise, gender is not a simple case of “either/or. ” Gender is exhibited by countless signals, from articles of clothing to cosmetics to hairstyles to conversational styles to body language and much more. Though our culture tends to group characteristics into “masculine” and “feminine”, many people find some amount of gender transgression exciting, so there is some fluidity between the two categories. Ultimately, gender is a “mix and match” mode of self-expression, and people within our culture are ever finding new ways to express their gender, with exciting subtleties and intriguing implications.

In general, it works best to think of all effects – sexual orientation, gender identity, sexual identity, and any others – as varying along a continuous spectrum of self-expression, rather than in just one of two or three ways.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION vs. GENDER IDENTITY vs. SEXUAL IDENTITY

Sexual orientation, gender identity, and sexual identity are independent of each other. A person may express any variation of each of these in any combination. To discourage the free expression of identity and orientation by an individual is to impose a damaging burden of conformity.

Sexual Orientation is which sex you find erotically attractive: other (hetero), same (homo), or both (bi). Sexual Identity is how you see yourself physically: male, female, or in between. If someone is born female, but wishes to see their body as male in all respects, their sexual identity is male. It is generally rude to speak of such a person as female, since it denies that person their right to inhabit the social and physical role of their choosing. We refer to such a person as a transsexual, whether or not they have had any surgery. Many FTM transsexuals do not undergo genital surgery, as the results so far are relatively crude and the procedure terribly expensive. As surgical technique improves, such people will be able to achieve more satisfying realizations of their dreams. However, since it is healthier for these people to live in accord with their wishes and heartfelt need, we call them men, though the may have a vagina where one would expect to find a penis.

The situation for MTF transsexuals is equivalent, except that the surgery produces a much more satisfying result, both cosmetically and functionally.

Nonetheless, many transgender people who look like transsexuals in every other regard elect to not have the surgery. Those who retain male sexual functioning tend to refer to themselves as transgenderists, since it is only their gender which is changed. Those that give up (or wish to give up) all male sexual function tend to think of themselves as transsexuals, since they change their sexual function, and therefore their sexual identity. Again, not all transsexuals undergo genital surgery. Some enjoy the atrophy of penis and testicles induced by taking female hormones, and others choose less radical surgical options such as castration (orchiectomy).

Gender Identity is how you see yourself socially: man, woman, or a combination of both. One may have a penis but prefer to relate socially as a woman, or one may have a vagina but prefer to relate as a man. One might prefer to be fluid, relating sometimes as a man and sometimes as a woman. Or one might not identify as either one, relating androgynously.

DEFINITIONS/TERMS

People tend to categorize themselves. This identification can be helpful in finding like-minded others with whom to make friends, but it can be hurtful if imposed on an individual by others, well-intentioned or not. In relating to transgender folk, it is best to avoid pushing an individual to choose a category for themselves (tell you what they are). Some folks prefer to explore the fringes of category, and such push for identification work against personal exploration and fulfillment.

Transgender folk have self-identified as:

Drag Queen: Female-emulating male, usually campy, often (not always) gay.
Butch: Masculine-appearing person.
Femme: Feminine-appearing person.
Drag King: Male-emulating woman.
Intersex: Person born with mixed sexual physiology. Often [surgically re-]’assigned’ at birth, such practice is coming under well-founded attack as a hurtful violation of a person’s well-being.
Transvestite: Person who enjoys wearing clothes identified with the opposite gender, often but not always straight.
Crossdresser: Polite term for transvestite.
Transgenderist: Person who lives as gender opposite to anatomical sex, i.e. man living as woman but retaining penis (& sexual functioning). Sexual orientation varies.
Androgyne: Person appearing and identifying as neither man nor woman, presenting a gender either mixed or neutral.
Transsexual: Person whose sexual identity is opposite to their assignment at birth. Not all TS folk undergo ‘sex reassignment surgery’ (SRS), for various reasons, including personal preference. Sexual orientation varies.
Transgender Community: A loose association of people who transgress gender norms in a wide variety of ways. Celebrating a recently born self-awareness, this community is growing fast across all lines, including social, economic, political, and philosophical divisions. The central ethic of this community is unconditional acceptance of individual exercise of freedoms including gender and sexual, identity and orientation.
PREJUDICE and DISCRIMINATION

Unfortunately, the transgender community suffers from severe victimization. Society often reacts to gender transgression by trying to discourage the behavior, punishing the individual. Transgender folk are much more likely than others to commit suicide, to be murdered, to be fired from their job, to be beaten up, and to be hurt in many more ways, some as blatant as open ridicule, some as insidious as non-hiring. There are places where people, simply because their gender expression runs contrary to the norm, are subjected – usually by their families – to the emotional trauma and physical suffering of barbaric “therapeutic” practices such as imprisonment and shock “therapy”. While these are generally done for the “welfare” of the individual, they are too often done to comfort the individual’s family, with little regard for the suffering of the individual. The level of trauma suffered by transgender folk is much higher than the norm, and is reflected in more difficult lives and greater incidence of depression and despair.

All of this is beginning to change, as people learn that there is no harm visited on either the individuals or their families or workplace by gender transgression. In fact, there are and have always been cultures where gender transgression is accepted as a natural part of the life of the culture.

The only harm visited by transgenderism is the same harm that is still too often visited on others by the forces of racism. In the case of transgender folk, the words for the feelings that cause people to oppress us are fear of difference and transphobia. The words for the feelings that bring about an end to the suffering and a healing of this aspect of our society are compassion and tolerance.

altsex.org/transgender/Nangeroni.html – 2004

Posted on by Queer News

Telling Parents

This is for everyone who’s planning to tell their parents soon and to everyone whose parents know but just don’t understand (I apologize in advance to FtM readers and non-transsexual readers. This is written in terms of a transsexual woman. I hope you can find useful insight regardless)…

As you may know when I came out to my mum last summer she was very accepting and supportive of me. This was mainly because of how she had come to think of me and our relationship in the time since I had come out to her as gay in January of the previous year. Accepting me as gay had been a terrible struggle for her, she hadn’t rejected me in any way but she was concerned about how I would be treated, if I would have a happy life and so on. She says now that at first it seemed like a terrible thing to come to terms with but now it seems like nothing at all. At that time we began to talk a lot more and a lot more personally and our relationship shifted from parent/child to adult friends. I helped her through stress as much as she helped me. We talked about our feelings and found we had a lot in common. She told me things like how she too couldn’t live a life where she wasn’t doing something that would help people rather than exploit them and that she believed going to university was important not to learn facts but to learn /life/, that it gave you the opportunity to discover and reinvent yourself away from people who’ve known you since you were born or since you were a pre-teen. Our relationship was such that when I told my mum I was transsexual, she believed me and trusted in my judgement. She knew that I knew my mind and tried to understand myself and keep in touch with my feelings (we’re long believers of the “it’s good to cry” philosophy). She didn’t doubt that when I said something I meant and truly believed it. That I would have thought about it and understood it and everything it would lead to. She talked about unconditional love and loving the person not the role. She said the most important thing was our happiness and she trusted in me enough to believe I knew myself enough to know what I /had/ to do to be happy.

I was very lucky to have such an accepting and supportive parent and to have gone through the previous coming out experience which brought us both to that point. However, just because my mum was supportive and accepting from the word go, she wasn’t understanding. She trusted me to know what I needed to do but she didn’t have /any/ idea what that meant. She was as scared and confused as any parent. Since then things have improved greatly and we’ve talked about her feelings during those first few months. I’m sure that all or at least some of this will apply to /all/ parents and I want to share them with you so you can go into coming out to your parents or educating your parents armed with the knowledge of the sorts of feelings, fears and misconceptions they will be holding…

  • My mum had no concept of what it meant to be transsexual. She didn’t understand it /at all/. Now my mum is a very intelligent woman and I assumed that as such she would be aware of at least the basics. She wasn’t. At all. She told me at Christmas that she had spent the first few months expecting me to ‘become’ a transsexual. That I was going to live the rest of my life as ‘a transsexual’. She had no idea of what that was. She’d been exposed to absolutely no role models of successful adult or youth transsexuals. As far as she knew she didn’t know anyone else who was transsexual. In her mind I was going to become some kind of amalgamation of every half understood stereotype and comment she’d heard for transsexuals, transvestites and drag queens and that I was going to live in some kind of transsexual ghetto with other transsexuals or walk the street in a ball gown and full make-up calling everyone ‘dhaaarling!’. None of it was really that clear. She had no concept, she could only imagine. And parents always imagine the worst when they face the unknown.I first became aware of this when my mum, some months later, asked me questions like “what will you wear when you… er transition?” and “well what will you do?”. Many parents would be too proud to ask questions like this, especially if they’ve decided that you’re doing the wrong thing (it would be like saying “You haven’t thought this through at all! It’s completely the wrong thing for you! …um, what does this involve again?”). The correct response to this question is to say “I’m just going to be like any woman my age, I’ll dress like any of your friends 20 year old daughters would, when this is finished I’ll just be a normal girl.”

    Of course the truly correct way to deal with this is to make sure your parents understand from the start that you will just be a normal woman (or man if you’re going in that direction) when this is all over. You really need to make this clear, it’s not a conclusion they’ll come to on their own. Show them pictures and websites of successfully transitioned transsexual women your age, let them see they’re just normal girls getting on with their life and relating to the world as normal girls. You’re not turning into a freak you’re turning into just another person. The only difference is you’ll be the other sex and a lot happier.

  • She had no concept of what hormones would do, of when surgery happens and when it can’t happen or, perhaps most importantly, of the concept of passing. She didn’t understand what hormones would do and what they wouldn’t do. She realized they would give me breasts but I’ve met people who didn’t know that — don’t assume they know anything no matter how obvious. She didn’t put passing into the equation at all, in her mind hormones would have no effect on me at in other people’s eyes. No logically I’m sure she could have thought that through and realized that I was going to look different but she /wasn’t/ thinking logically.I became aware of this when I noticed that she had all sorts of fears about the rest of my life living in constant danger.

    Again, explain from the start how hormones work. Show your parents impressive pictures of perfectly passing transsexual women your age. Tell them that in twelve months time you will look more like a sister or female cousin than the person you look like now. Explain the simple things, fat redistribution, skin texture, breasts and how people judge other people’s sex. She told me once that she’d had a revelation looking at other women in the street and realizing the sheer diversity in size and shape of people that society has no problem calling women. Before this point she’d had the completely illogical belief that I’d have to look like a cheer leader to pass. Your parents might have complete blind spots in their mind about tall people being able to be women if the tall person in question is you…

  • She believed that I’d live the rest of my life alone without love. That I would never be able to find a loving partner as a transsexual. The thing she was most concerned about was my ability to live a happy and successful life and she didn’t have any concept of transsexuality being compatible with that.She told me this when I came out to her. I was very surprised considering how happy and confident I was that I was going to be loved and liked as a gay man. She didn’t see that as a woman I’d be more likely to find a partner than as a gay man. She didn’t understand that I was becoming more normal not less. Yet again she had a lot of positive gay role models and no positive transsexual women role models.

    Explain that you’ll just be like any other woman your age and just as likely to find happiness, love and success as any other woman. Use words like ‘woman’ rather than transsexual, talk in terms of your self and your life being female and normal. You’re not becoming a freak, you /feel/ like a freak now. You are /far/ more likely to be happy and successful in life after transition that you ever were before.

  • She had a lot of trouble seeing me as female when I looked male. She’s said since that she sees me completely as female now but when she first found out about what I was going through she had never thought about things in that way.Again she told me this on our walk around the Whistable coast line when I came out to her. She said that she didn’t think I /was/ very female, that yes I looked female and my body language was but she didn’t think I acted like a girl. I asked her what she meant and she came out with things like I was assertive and hungry to learn.

    Explain the difference between gender and gender roles and stereotypes. Ask your parent if perhaps they might be being extremely sexist, perhaps if you turn it around and said, “if it wasn’t me but instead some other girl, would you seriously tell them they couldn’t be a woman because they want to learn things or because they ask questions and get things done?” ask them are they seriously saying all women are content to be unassertive and ignorant? Parents can be extremely sexist about what makes a woman when attempting to prove to themselves that you’re not. Help them to see that what they’re saying would most probably offend or even disgust them in any other context. I told my mum that gender is the way we think and feel about ourselves as men and women whereas gender roles are all the stereotypes, baggage and ‘rules’ that society piles on top of men and women. There’s nothing biological in women to make them /all/ likeable people who do all the housework and love pink and there’s nothing biological in men to make them /all/ fast car loving, competitive sports fans…

  • My mum felt terrible and guilt stricken to discover that I had been miserable, uncomfortable and depressed all through my childhood and /she hadn’t noticed/. She found it very difficult to cope with the amount of pain this meant I’d gone through on my own.Months later she told me how much this thought upset her and how she was having difficulty forgiving herself for not noticing. She said she’d noticed I wasn’t happy during some of my teenage but that she’d assumed the door slamming, lack of visible friends and staying in bed all day were down to hormones not depression.

    I sent my parents a long email explaining how much they’d done for me as I grew up, how while I was very depressed at school, home was always a haven and happy place for me and the only place I really felt I had any chance of being myself. How although I knew that if I had been a girl from the very start I’d have had a much more happy school and social life and I wouldn’t have chosen to do the same things with my life, I always made the most of the situation I was in, I read, I programmed computer games, I played pretend with my brother, I built an awful lot of lego and I sang in the privacy of my own room. Perhaps I wouldn’t have done the same things if I hadn’t been transsexual, but they were still a good childhood, even if it was a compromise childhood and all the best parts happened when I was at home. With my parents.

OK, that’s all the insight I’m giving today. I hope you can keep this advice in mind when tell your parents and when you’re helping them to understand and accept the situation they’ll feel suddenly thrust into.

Although this didn’t come direct from my mum, I hope this more open ended advice will also be useful:

Remember your parents are most likely, shocked, scared, guilty and confused. They don’t understand what you’ve gone through, what you are going through and what you will be going through. Most likely their first reaction will not be a positive as my mum’s. Depending on personality and situation they may decide to fall into the parent role and, all though they’re in no state to do so, decide what’s right and wrong for you without any of the relevant information needed to make this decision. It’s quite likely they will go into denial, maybe they’ll pretend it’s not happening, maybe they’ll blame something or someone completely irrationally and say that you’ve been corrupted. Only you know how your parents are likely to react to such feelings as shock, fear, guilt, confusion and even loss (your parents may think of you as a son rather than a person in your own right). Your parents may not be able to cope with any kind of shift in how they perceive, treat and think about you, at least at first. There may also be additional guilt if you’ve ever told them this before and they didn’t believe you or told you it would go away. Even more if they shipped you off to a psychologist when you were 12 and then never talked about it again. Any of these reactions will most likely cause you a lot of pain. It’s very likely that you’ve learnt to relate to at least one of your parents with some degree of argument or confrontation as you grew up.

Here’s the important thing. Bear everything I’ve said today in mind. Don’t feel offended, don’t even get upset. Stay rational, stay calm and keep your parents feelings in mind. You owe it to your parents to /help them/ through this. Do not expect any kind of support or understanding from them, don’t expect /anything at all/. Take any comment that you might find offensive or upsetting or rejecting and /give them the benefit of the doubt/. They don’t know what they’re talking about, they don’t know how to react, how to help or how to make this better. They don’t understand and they’re scared. HELP THEM. If you thought they deserved to know then they also deserve to understand, to know exactly what’s going to happen to you and /not/ to lose you because of this. Don’t let this turn into a conflict, do not get angry, don’t take any comment they make personally. When your parents say something that suggests ignorance or fear, don’t get angry, don’t storm off, don’t cry. Use every rejection, ignorant comment and attack as a cry for help. Learn from what they say to you, find out what they don’t understand and /explain/ it to them, slowly and rationally. The most important thing is that you talk. Talk as much as possible. Let them know everything that’s going to happen. Give them /a lot/ of time to get used to the idea and give them /a lot/ of information to read as they do. Show your parents that you think, show your parents you know what you’re doing, show them your confident, show them that /you/ are the rational one here, that /you/ know the facts and that /you/ are going to be there to help them through this. If they argue with you or shout at you or doubt you /do not lower yourself to their level/, you owe that to them. Help them through this, they don’t want to lose you, they don’t understand, they’re afraid. No matter what other concerns they have — what other people think, how this will affect their marriage, if you’re being corrupted or delusional — when it comes down to it your parents want you to be happy and successful and loved in your life. Realize that even the most withit and understanding parents can have trouble understanding that you can be happy /and/ deal with your transsexuality. They may realize that your transsexuality makes you miserable, they may understand that transition will make that better, but most likely they won’t realize that going down the path of transition does not close off the paths to a happy, successful life. Help them to see that if anything transition opens /all/ the paths and makes everything easier in the long term.

Just remember an ignorant comment is not the cue to a shouting match, it’s a cue to you that your parents don’t understand something and you need to explain it to them with kindness, compassion and understanding. Don’t drop to their level. They’ll thank you later.

Since I talked everything through with my mum things have improved immeasurably. She talked everything through with my Dad and we’ve all become closer. After a few months they became comfortable with calling me Zoe and using female pronouns all the time. They began apologising if they got it wrong. After a while my mum began to truly think of me as female and become quite upset or even confused if others got it wrong. After a lot of pushing by me to talk about it to her friends, my mum told a number of people close to her in her life through which it began to feel even more normal to her. Before christmas my mum told all of my relatives of my situation. She did this by phone and in person, in each case describing it in terms of me being a girl who’d struggled through life trapped by the wrong body until now when I was finally being myself and putting things right. Edited copies of my webpage helped. Since then I’ve received nothing but support and acceptance from all my relatives and I’m certain such a universally positive reaction is down to the way my mum presented the situation to them. At christmas my mum told me that when she tells people who don’t know about what’s happened in my life they all tend to tell her how sorry they feel for her and how terrible it must be. She said that she doesn’t really understand that, how it really doesn’t feel like a bad thing and in a funny way it just seems like a normal and natural part of growing up to her now. With hindsight she’d noticed certain things. She says when we were looking around universities in early 1998 she’d seen me coming out of the men’s toilets at a motorway service station surrounded by business men and lorry drivers and how completely delicate and out of place I’d seemed and how I just don’t look incongruous any more. Things can work out with your family.

By Zone, freeuk.com/zoe.html 2004

Posted on by Queer News

My Little Girl’s Trapped in a Boy’s Body

At the age of 3, Simon was playing with tea-sets. At 5 he fell in love with Barbie dolls. And at 7 he told his mum: “I wish I’d been born a girl.”

But Pat wasn’t shocked… she already knew there was something different about her eldest son. He never touched boys’ toys and he only ever wanted girls as his playmates.

“As a teacher, I didn’t take too much notice at first, because children will play with whatever’s to hand,” says Pat. ” But it gradually dawned on me that he always went for the girls’ toys. The cars and garages we bought him were left untouched – he preferred to potter around the kitchen with a tea-towel tied around him like a skirt. One day, after I’d dropped him off at nursery school, I peered through the window and saw him playing with a pretty little tea-set.”

By the time Simon was 4, he’d made it clear he only wanted to play with the girls. “He couldn’t play with the boys,”” says Pat. “He had nothing in common with them. He was a very gentle child, so he was always being pushed around… They didn’t understand him.”

Pat and her husband Michael, a solictor, decided to send Simon to a boys-only school in the hope it would toughen him up and make him ‘normal’.

Pat admits: “It was a terrible mistake. Simon was very unhappy – the school was formal and competetive. He was often buliied – and once he was thrown on a rubbish heap. But above all, he missed girls’ company.”

They moved him to a smaller mixed school where he spent two happy years. Then he started secondary school, which was fine at first, especially when he got a part in the school play.

“He loved dressing up especially in girls’ clothes,” says Pat. “He’d raid my cupboards for things to wear. Then he took up dancing classes and won a competition dressed up in frills and feathers. His father sat squirming with embarrassment, although he hid it well from his son.”

But Simon’s happy schooldays didn’t last long. His drama teacher made a comment about his sexuality to a group of older boys… and the bullying started.

“I went up to the school and had it out with the teachers. Simon might be different, but it isn’t up to them to ridicule him. By then I was at my wits’ end.”

And birthday parties were a nightmare – Simon didn’t have any friends. Pat would invite her friends’ children around, but Simon was never invited back to their homes.

“We did our best to protect him. When other kids came round we’d suggest he put away his collection of Barbie Dolls so they wouldn’t tease him. He’d refuse, but he never complained when they took the mickey… He seemed to think it was his lot in life.”

When he was 7, Pat took him for assessment by child psychologists at a London Hospital. But they couldn’t help with the question of Simon’s true gender. “I never had anyone to talk to,” says Pat. “People just didn’t want to know… And there didn’t seem to be any experts I could turn to.”

Pat was at the end of her tether when she heard of a clinic at St. George’s Hospital in Tooting, South London, where an Italian doctor, Domenico Di Ceglie specialises in helping children with gender identification problems. “I was desperate to speak to someone who could help. They were wonderful,” says Pat.

“Boys and girls can sometimes grow up confused about what gender they really are,” says Dr Di Ceglie. “But it’s more noticeable in boys because a tomboyish girl is much more easily accepted than a feminine boy.”

“Research has shown gender problems can be caused by biological, psychological or family factors,” he continues. “It’s difficult to predict early on whether a child will become a transsexual, homosexual, or revert to heterosexual development. But by the early teens, we have a good idea, and by the late teenage years we know for certain.”

“If a boy consitently behaves like a girl, or a girl like a boy, then a professional should be consulted. But the child must be treated sensitively.”

Simon was 11 when he started going to sessions at St George’s. Now 13, he goes to a performing arts school where floaty shirts and jewellry fit in easily. Pat, who lives in Surrey, admits she’s embarrassed about what people must think. “One night, a friend of my other son’s was at the house. His father – who’d never met Simon – came to pick him up. When Simon waltzed in wearing a long velvet cloak and earrings, he asked if it was my daughter. ‘No’ I replied. ‘It’s Simon.’ I don’t know who was more embarrassed!”

But what really haunts Pat is what will happen to Simon eventually. “He doesn’t hate his male body like some boys at the clinic do… And he doesn’t buy girls’ panties. But I look at his make-up, dyed hair and clothes and I’m terrified he’ll be lynched one night.”

Simon’s still too young for anyone to know what his sexuality will be, but his mother knows he’ll have to face many difficult decisions as he gets older.

“It’s sad. People don’t understand,” she says. “But it helps to know he’s not alone – there are hundreds of children like him all over the country.”

“I just don’t know he’d be happier if he’d been born a girl. I only wish I could have been more help to him… by giving birth to him as a girl rather than as a boy.”

by Alix Palmer
From Woman’s Own
mermaids.freeuk.com/woman.html – 2004

Posted on by Queer News

Trans Youth at Risk of Depression

A new study conducted by La Trobe University has discovered members of the transgender community face higher than average levels of anxiety, depression and suicide ideation.

The report, From Blues to Rainbows, conducted by Dr Elizabeth Smith at La Trobe University, in association with beyondblue, suggested familial support was integral in maintaining the mental health and well being of young people transitioning – with majority of young trans people facing discrimination and bullying.

Smith said a supportive school environment where teachers used the correct pronouns and appropriate language, assisted in ensuring trans students were less likely to be bullied, but much still needed to be done.

“Where participants had support from their parents, they were half as likely to be diagnosed with depression and more likely to seek professional help if needed,” Dr Smith said. “Mental health was also significantly better if peer, teacher and school relationships were posit.”

beyondblue CEO Georgie Harman said it was deeply troubling that gender diverse and transgender young people experienced such high rates of abuse at an age and stage when many young people were exploring and coming to understand their identity and sexuality.

“Teachers, parents and kids themselves should learn from this research and support gender diverse and transgender young people, before they reach a point where they experience depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts. beyondblue will be drawing upon this research to shape and expand our future work with transgender and gender diverse communities,” she said.

The findings came from a study of 190 young trans people, The results suggested 66 per cent had seem a health professional for their mental health in the past twelve months. 38 per cent had suicidal thoughts and had seen a professional regarding this. 33 per cent suffered from stress and depression and 45 per cent had been diagnosed with anxiety (well above the national average of 25 per cent).

Two thirds of trans people also reported some form of abuse or discrimination because of their gender identity.