Support Message to Brazilian Trans Community

Father Julio Lancellotti, a Catholic priest from São Paulo in Brazil, shared a photo of trans women on his Instagram account and spoke in favor of inclusion and equality.

“The fight against discrimination and prejudice is a never-ending struggle. We are all children of God. We must always admit and never discriminate ”

Father Julio Lancellotti’s support for the Brazilian trans community is nothing new, with more than 345,000 subscribers on Instagram.

The priest is known as a strong advocate of equality in Brazil. He has spoken many times in favor of the rights and equality of the LGBTI + community.

The 72-year-old priest has worked tirelessly for the homeless throughout his career. In 2018, she made a splash on social media by sharing a video of a homeless trans woman asking for forgiveness for all the horrors the Brazilian society has experienced.

Father Julio Lancellotti was praised by his supporters for promoting love and equality for the trans community, and even appreciated for his work by the Brazilian Bar Human Rights Committee in the past.

Transgender Definition, Transgender Meaning

Transgender syndrome is a congenital medical condition treated by university hospitals around the world. It is a physical (organic) condition that takes shape in the mother’s womb. The initial sex of the offspring in all mammals is female. In the second month of development in the womb, the sex of the baby remains female or turns into a male with the hormones secreted by the fetus. During this period, the sexual structure of that tiny body and brain is determined. This explains why males also have nipples that remain as traces of the original female gender.

Something goes wrong at this stage of fetal development, and the sex of the baby’s body and the sex of the brain will not be the same, that is, the brain remains female while the body is performing sexual transformation, or while the brain is transforming, the body remains female before it transforms. Research on the brain confirms this explanation. Autopsies performed on people born transsexual have shown that the gender of the brain is not the same as the sex at birth. (Part of the brain is different in males and females.)

It is not medically possible to adjust the consciousness to the transgender body. The solution adapts the body to the brain / consciousness. This process is called gender redefinition or gender correction. The procedure takes many years (such as epilation, talking therapy, hormone therapy). Also, the financial source of this transaction must be provided. Surgery is not the last step of the procedure.

Transexuality has nothing to do with transvestism. Transvestites are men who like to look like a woman, even though they are happy and content to be men.

Transsexuality is not linked to homosexuality. A gay man gets together with a homosexual man, and a homosexual woman gets along with a homosexual woman. They are proud of their gender and oppose surgical removal of their genitals unless they encounter cancer or another disease. Homosexuality refers to a relationship. Transsexuality indicates identity anxiety, not sexual orientation. Like other people, the transgender-born person can have a relationship with a man, a woman, both, or neither.

Transsexuality is not a mental illness. Psychiatrists and psychologists saw it as an illness and tried to treat it for years. But since this is not a mental illness, it has now been understood that it is not possible to be cured by psychiatrists. In fact, it has been observed that a transgender is more balanced in terms of mental health than other people.

Clothing and appearance are not a matter of taste for transsexuals The transgender person dresses up and dresses up specifically to be seen as a natural member of the opposite sex. This is a necessary part of the treatment and the person has to live in this role for at least 1 year like a member of the opposite sex until the operation is allowed.

A transgender is not a man who wants to be a woman, or a woman who wants to be a man. Although the identity card says that he is a member of a gender, before the treatment the person is neither male nor female, he / she is transgender. Because there is a discrepancy between the gender in the brain / consciousness and the gender in the identity document.

There is no cure for the syndrome other than gender reassessment. Until the gender re-determination stage, the person is considered to be medically transsexual, but after the procedure, he is no longer a transsexual, but simply a woman or a man.

It is unpredictable to what family a transsexual can be born into. You cannot know if your child or grandchild is transgender. The majority of sufferers spend unhappy decades trying insistently to live in the gender they were born with, like everyone else. So, when these people are questioned, they may even persistently refuse to be of the opposite sex. As the years pass and mature, they begin to understand what is wrong and with great courage they can attempt to change everything radically. Because no one becomes transgender over time, you personally know whether you are transgender or not. If not, you’d be grateful for that.

Untreated, transsexuals can go mad or even commit suicide as a result of the anxiety and depression they can’t handle, because no one can suppress their existing identity for a lifetime. Before surgery, 80% of these people seriously intend to kill themselves, try or actually commit suicide. After surgery, this rate falls to the level of suicide rates in the community.

Transsexuality is not a negligible situation. Often, he may lose his family, friends, job, home, savings and reputation for the sake of this treatment. It should not be forgotten that

Nothing costs more than their lives.

These losses are the result of society’s indifference to the issue. Being born transsexual is not their choice. This is not a problem created by him.

If you change your gender by surgery, you will fall into a transgender’s pre-treatment state. No one can be forced to live in the wrong sex, even a day!.

Trans Women in Turkey

Being a transgender in Turkey means carrying a burden on your life. Unfortunately, the situation of transsexuals in our country is very bad. society is not knowledgeable. families are not knowledgeable. Transvestites and transsexuals are only shown in our society when it happens. Transvestites are shown screaming and calling on the news. In a humiliating way. (‘The guys are on the stage again!’)

When this society watches these news, they realize that this is what transsexuals are all about. The society is starting to see Tu poop as an alien creature.

Unfortunately, nowadays, there are quite a lot of transsexuals who are locked up in their homes. They were afraid to go out. The fear of harassment, the fear of insult, the fear of violence… After that evening, let him do sex work. Transsexuals were taken to the police car without question…. “I am not a sex worker” is futile in the pattern. They are taken to the police station and fined for nothing. Moreover, a non-sex worker transsexual experiences this when she leaves the house to go to the grocery store. And they don’t even ask how they will pay this fine. “If you are a sex worker, work and pay ..!” is called. By cutting this punishment; It is not known whether they realize that they are pushing these people to sex work once again… As they are not given normal jobs.

Transgender people are murdered at a young age. Even his own brother kills his brother just because he is a transgender. What is honor.! His family refuses. transsexuals are condemned to live alone. You have no love and no family. These people are not given any other chance than sex work. Why because transsexuals! The others! Even when you want to rent a house, high rent is required. “You are transsexual, you have to keep that house, you have no other choice …”

This situation is really a deeply bleeding wound for our country. However, many things can be done. If families and society are informed, situations can improve further. But unfortunately, there is no one in a high office. Nobody wants to hear or ignore the voices of transgender and homosexual people reproaching….

In public, when they see a trans woman on the street, they are greeted with sarcastic glances, harassment, swearing, and greedy looks. People stuck with a theory that they don’t have it in my family, it can’t be transsexual. But don’t transsexuals have a mother or father family? Being transgender in the family means that this family is dishonorable?

People, society, families should be told that a transsexual can also come from their families. People should be told that this is not a choice, that it is not a wannabe, transsexuals are not guilty in this case…

In our country there are millions of gays, transgenders, transsexuals, lesbians….

There is just a blind report on  transsexual murders. But when heterosexual individuals are murdered, programs are made for days, (of course, no human being deserves to be a victim of murder, even if heterosexual, (don’t be misunderstood) homosexuals should have the same rights.

Who knows? Who knows that one day your brother, sister, brother, child, will not be homosexual?

I hope that one day both transgenders can live humanely in our country.

 

Offered by Trans Azranil. 07/2013

Transgender Flag

It was designed by navy veteran Monica Helms, who declared her identity as trans in 1987.
Helms, who met Michael Page in 1999, argued that trans communities should also have a flag, and the trans flag appeared.
The idea on the flag is; The blue is designed to represent trans men, pink trans women, and the middle white to represent non-binary people
(who do not include themselves in any binary gender identity).
Apart from this flag, there are also trans flags with different colors representing individuals in the transgender community.
The transgender flag literally gained its popularity in 2013.

FTM Related Books

Here Is A List of Female to Male Related Books…

Bornstein, Kate. Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us. Vintage Books, 1995.

Bornstein, Kate. My Gender Workbook: How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You, or Something Else Entirely. Routledge, 1998.

Brown, Mildred L. & Chloe Ann Rounsley. True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism-For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals. Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1996.

Burke, Phyllis. Gender Shock: Exploding the Myths of Male and Female. Anchor Press, 1997.

Califia, Pat. Sex Changes: The Politics of Transgenderism. Cleis Press, 1997.

Cameron, Loren. Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits. Cleis Press, 1996.

Colapinto, John. As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised As A Girl. Harper Collins, 2000.

Devor, Holly. FTM: Female-To-Male Transsexuals in Sciety. Indiana University Press, 1997.

Devor, Holly. Gender Blending: Confronting The Limits Of Duality. Indiana University, 1989.

Feinberg, Leslie. Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue. Beacon Press, 1998.

Feinberg, Leslie. Stone Butch Blues: A Novel. Firebrand Books, 1993.

Feinberg, Leslie. Transgender Warriors : Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman. Beacon Press, 1997.

Halberstam, Judith. Female Masculinity. Duke University Press, 1998.

Hewitt, Paul. A Self-Made Man: The Diary Of A Man Born In A Woman’s Body. Headline, 1995.

Israel, Gianna E. Transgender Care: Recommended Guidelines, Practical Information, and Personal Accounts. Temple University Press, 1997.

Jones, Aphrodite. All She Wanted. Pocket Books, 1996.

Kirk, Sheila M.D. Masculinizing Hormonal Therapy for the Transgendered. Together Lifeworks, 1996.

Middlebrook, Diane Wood. Suits Me: The Double Life Of Billy Tipton. Houghton Mifflin, 1998.

Morpurgo, Michael. Joan Of Arc. Harcourt Brace, 1999 (Children’s Book)

Nataf, Zachary I. Lesbians Talk Transgender. Scarlet Press, 1996.

Nestle, Joan. The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader. Alyson Publications, 1992.

Pratt, Minnie Bruce. S/he. Firebrand Books, 1995.

Queen, Carol and Lawrence Schimel. Pomosexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality. Cleis Press, 1997.

Ramsey, Gerald, Ph.D. Transsexuals: Candid Answers To Private Questions. The Crossing Press, 1996.

Rees, Mark Nicholas Alban. Dear Sir or Madam: The Autobiography of a Female-To-Male Transsexual. Cassell Academic: 1996.

Reit, Seymour. Behind Rebel Lines. Odyssey, 1988. ( Children’s Book about a girl who enlisted in the Union Army as a boy.)

Stringer, Joann Altman. The Transsexual’s Survival Guide: To Transition & Beyond. Creative Design Services, 1990.

Sullivan, Louis. From Female To Male: The Life Of Jack Bee Garland. Alyson Publications, 1990.

Thompson, C.J.S. Ladies Or Gentleman: Women Who Posed As Men, And Men Who Impersonated Women. Dorset Press, 1993

Valerio, Max Wolf. A Man: The Transsexual Journey of an Agent Provocateur. William Morrow & Company, 1998.

Volcano, Del LaGrace & Halberstam, Judith “Jack”. The Drag King Book. Serpent’s Tail, 1999.

Wilchins, Riki Anne. Read My Lips: Sexual Subversion and the End of Gender. Firebrand Books, 1997.

First Meeting with A Transsexual

J. B. writes:

> Having spent some time browsing the various posts in this group, I feel I’m better prepared to meet my transsexual cousin for the first time. However, I would be grateful for any advice anyone can give me. My cousin was originally male and is around 45 years old. I know he is currently undergoing hormone therapy but I don’t think he has had the surgery yet. I last saw him about three years ago and he gave no clue as to his desire to be female. His dad (my uncle) called me about 2 weeks ago with the news and I have to say I was a bit shocked. I’ve written to my cousin and he has replied with an upbeat newsy type letter. He has asked that I call him to arrange a time and place to meet up. I haven’t called yet and am rather nervous of doing so, yet determined nonetheless. I’m saddened that we haven’t kept in touch over the years (I’m male aged 34) and don’t want him to think I’m only getting in touch out of some weird curiosity.

First, your feelings are fairly typical for someone facing this issue for the first time. You can take some comfort in the probability that your cousin has encountered this before, and expects it.

Also, it is typical for many of us that no one else has a clue about how we feel or what we want, until we start coming to terms with it in ourselves. Again, your cousin will probably expect that you didn’t know; that too is normal. And shock is a fairly common first reaction. The closer you’ve been to someone, the more the shock.

You don’t mention whether your cousin is currently living as a female. In the U.S., one year of cross-living is required prior to surgery. If your cousin is now living as a female, then using her female name, and using female pronouns, would be most appropriate (and most appreciated). If your cousin is still living as a male, then ask what name and pronouns he/she would like you to use. (It’s OK to ask questions; your cousin probably expects you to ask a LOT of questions!) A time period of adjustment (for you!) to these changes is also normal.

It’s OK to be nervous, and it’s OK to be getting in touch with him/her because of this change in her life. It’s normal for family members to lose touch with each other, and to become closer when some event brings them back together again. The only thing that’s unusual in this case is the event itself! If getting together with your cousin brings up other feelings of friendship and past family events or issues, then you certainly won’t be coming across as merely “curious.”

The fact that you’ve already exchanged letters is a good start. As you call and as you meet with your cousin, I strongly suggest being open and direct and honest about your feelings, starting with being nervous. Feelings will be communicated whether you talk about them or not; it’s best to talk openly, so your cousin will know why you feel a particular way. It’s also a good way to address the issues in general; there are certain factual aspects about being a transsexual, but most of the issues that really matter are emotional. If your cousin can write an “upbeat, newsy” letter, then she’s probably ready to deal with the emotional side of talking with you.

Finally, thank you for taking the time and trouble to find out what you can before meeting your cousin, and for asking for assistance. I appreciate that you’ve done that! You’re off to a fine start as far as accepting these changes in your cousin’s life, and your attitude so far feels good and right to me. Good luck, and enjoy renewing your connections with your cousin.

firelily.com/gender/diane/first.mtg.html – 2002

Transgender Native Americans

Transgendered Native Americans are frequently referenced as nearby, non-European models of both transgenderism and homosexuality. Unfortunately a great many erroneous suppositions are circulating with regard to transgendered Native Americans, and recent explications by gay historians serve to obscure the more important elements of gender in order to make a gay political point. This article is intended to briefly correct some of the common misunderstandings, not to be a complete or definitive statement on transgendered Native Americans.

The term ‘berdache’ was formerly used by white people in reference to Native Americans born male who were living as women. The term comes from the Arabic by way of the French, it’s original meaning is ‘slave boy’ or ‘catamite’. As such it conveys European ignorance of and contempt for transgendered Native Americans, and its use is considered insulting and erroneous by Native Americans. Unfortunately, modern transgendered Native Americans are at a distinct disadvantage, as white domination has eroded traditional tolerance and respect for transgendered Native Americans, as Native Americans, under economic, political, cultural, religious, and military domination by white people, worked to shed those customs which brought ridicule and punishment upon them by the white conquerors. Kachina clowns, transgendered people, contraries, and other people the white men found bizarre were suppressed, and many modern Native Americans are largely unaware of the former acceptance and respect given them.

All parties concerned agree that ‘berdache’ should be dropped, and when possible, replaced by the appropriate term for the particular tribe under discussion. The term ‘two-spirited’, however, is enjoying a vogue in certain circles as a generic replacement for ‘berdache’. It is not by any means accepted by all transgendered Native Americans, for various reasons. Therefore this article will refer to ‘transgendered Native Americans’ as the term least likely to give offense and most likely to be understood.

Objections to the term ‘two-spirited’ illuminate many of the dilemmas and traditions facing transgendered Native Americans. First, ‘two-spirited’ is used to mean ‘queer’, that is to say, it is used to refer to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered Native Americans. As such, it reflects white concepts of gender and orientation, for in traditional societies, such people were integrated into the tribe. They were not ‘two-spirited’, but true spirited, that is to say, they abided by the principle of dreaming themselves into existence, and their single minded devotion to their visions was integrated and whole, not divided and torn, as implied by the term ‘two-spirited’. In some places, the word ‘two-spirited’ is an insult applied to halfbreeds, or Indians who have ‘sold out’ and adopted white ways. As such, it defines a person who is torn from his ancestral ways, and as such, it may sometimes be an apt description of transgendered people whose tribes do not understand and accept them, but it serves only to emphasize the alienation of the transgendered person rather than to tie him to older, wiser concepts.

Other critics object to the term ‘two-spirited’ being applied to gay, lesbian, and bisexual people who are not gender variant. Transgenderism among Native tribes was very much a phenomenon of gender, not orientation. Orientation, as modern white people understand it, was not known among the tribes before the white men. Intimate relationships were dictated by one’s gender role, not one’s affectional preference–though of course there were always individuals who varied from those standards, and ways of sublimating homosexuality through socially accepted rituals. One such ritual was blood brotherhood, in which two men mingled their blood and were sworn to be always loyal to one another, to rescue one another when in danger, and to support one another in undertaking challenges. It was often observed that men loved their blood brothers more than their biological brothers or even their wives, and this was considered appropriate, normal, and manly; the homoerotic interpretation of such intense intimate relationships was not discussed.

Another important objection to the term ‘two-spirited’, is that the creation of a pseudo- Indian terms implies that transgenderism was a universal phenomenon among the tribes, when it was not. Approximately one third of North American tribes have been documented as having visible transgendered customs, which means it was far from a universal phenomenon. Further, it completely ignores Native Americans of Central and South American, about whom little is known to English-speakers, as well as non-Indian Native Americans, such as the Inuit of the Arctic and sub-Arctic regions.

It is important to clarify the arena of transgendered discussion: most, though not all, of the tribes exhibiting transgenderism were located in the Canadian and American West, especially the Plains Peoples and the Pueblo Peoples. Plains images dominate thinking about Native Americans, and it is important to understand that the following discussion does not apply to Woodland Tribes east of the Mississippi, the northern reaches of Canada and Alaska, and numerous other places.

Plains culture was extremely free, in that Plains Peoples were generally prosperous enough that very small units could support themselves, coming together in large communities only for Sundance and winter camp. Thus idiosyncrasities in individuals were much more easily tolerated as they didn’t constantly rub elbows with other people who might object. If a Plains person didn’t like his neighbor, he could always pack his tipi and leave. Pueblo Peoples, being agrarian, had much more tight knit, ritualistic, and formal organizations and traditions, as a result of which transgendered behavior was carefully channeled in socially approved ways, as compared to transgendered Plains People who were free to express themselves pretty much however they liked — within certain limits.

Without going into specific detail for each tribe, the loose procedure for detecting and raising a transgendered child was notice his or her preference for the tools and duties typical of men or women. The tribes had sharply defined gender roles, which were enforced through shame, but they did not assign gender roles based on genitals, but rather upon the temperament and occupational preferences of the child. Thus young children were labeled ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ at any early age, long before sexual orientation would manifest. At this point it is important to point out that effeminacy is not a predictor of homosexuality in men, neither is masculinity a predictor of homosexuality in women. Only a small percentage of gay men and women fit the stereotype of ‘sissy’ or ‘tomboy’. The vast majority have gender identity and appearance consonant with their genital gender. Thus one cannot assume that gender variant Native American children were also homosexual. On the contrary, most of them were probably heterosexual, and had to learn the sexual expression appropriate to their gender role. However, it is impossible to state with any positive proof what the orientation of gender variant Native American children actually was.

A child with a penis who was raised as a girl was considered a girl in all ways, and generally married a man. They were viewed as women by their tribes, and as such they were commonly the receptive partner for anal intercourse with their husbands. (Hence the French labeling them ‘berdache’ or catamites.) Plains People were polygamous, with men marrying several wives. Transgendered women were considered good wives and respected for their wisdom. Since a man generally had several genetic women as wives, he had plenty of children, and so the inability of a transgendered woman to conceive was not a problem. On the contrary, it meant that at least one wife at any given time (the transgendered wife) would not be preoccuppied with pregnancy, nursing, or the care of small children, and could be depended upon to perform necessary household chores while the mothers tended their children. For this reason transgendered wives have sometimes been construed as ‘servants’ with low status.

Grandparents and other elders also helped in the raising of the children and performance of household duties, nonetheless, while the Plains People were prosperous, there was still a lot of work to be done. High mortality rates among the men (in some cases women outnumbered men by a two to one margin), made polygamy and an extended family necessary in order to provide for the support of widows and orphans. Transgendered wives were an important element of that system. This did not leave much time for pursuing one’s personal affectional preferences, whatever they might be. Affairs did happen among the tribes, but most tales refer to young people eloping. Once saddled with the responsibilities of a family, presumably opportunities for hanky panky diminished.

Transgendered men also occurred among the tribes, but not as frequently, and are not as well documented. People born female, who preferred male activities, were raised as men and married women; they hunted, fought, and even became chiefs. While it seems apparent that their tribes were aware that a transgendered man’s genitals differed from his gender role, it was irrelevant, and apparently not used against them by hostile persons. (Until white influence made itself felt.)

Among some of the Pueblo Peoples, tests were deliberately given to young children, such as placing a child, a bow, and a weaving shuttle within a hut, and setting it on fire. Whichever item the child grabbed as it ran out of the hut determined its gender role in the tribe. Among the Plains People, dreams were very important, and people were obliged to live up to their dreams to the best of their ability. Thus if a person of any age dreamed himself as the opposite sex, he would adopt that role. Sometimes transgendered people slid back and forth between roles, assuming male name and garb for hunting and fighting, but donning female garb and name for domestic chores. This seems to have been rare. Usually transgendered people stayed in one role or the other.

White reaction to transgendered people varied. Often they did not realize that the transgendered person was in fact transgendered. Probably the most famous of Native American transgendered person was He’Hwa, a Zuni. She was a notable craftswoman, and greatly admired by her people and by white people who knew her. She visited Washington, DC, where she demonstrated Native crafts and was wildly popular. Later, when it was discovered that she had male genitalia, her white supporters continued to refer to her as a woman, and to discount the significance of her discordant genitalia, in concordance with tribal custom. Modern gay historians, on the other hand, view this as evidence of homophobia so intense that white people could not accept that He’wha was a man married to a man. However, it seems clear that contemporary white people understood and respected He’wha on the same terms as her tribe did; by contrast, modern gay authors are sufficiently ignorant of transgenderism and tribal customs that they give the greatest weight to genitals, when in fact in the cultural context genitalia were insignificant. It is not recorded if anybody asked He’wha what her sexual preference was, therefore it is impossible to impute an orientation to her, as the word ‘orientation’ is used in modern circumstances. Men in enforced male environments such as shipboard and prison engage in ‘situational homosexuality’, meaning sexual gratification with other men only because no females are available. Considering the firmness of gender roles in Pueblo culture, it is probable that a similar weight of circumstance dictated a functional orientation, as opposed to expression of affectional orientation.

Which begs the question, what is homosexuality? Is it the act of engaging in sex with a member of one’s own gender? What is the ‘own gender’ of a transgendered person? A man, woman, or another transgendered person? Or is orientation determined by desires (which might never be acted on)? ‘Orientation’ is therefore a very slippery concept, loaded with emotional weight and impossible to define in a satisfactory way. Gender role, by contrast, is much more concrete, apparent and discernible. We can say with complete confidence that He’wha was a transgendered woman, but we don’t know if sie considered herself a man in a dress engaged in a gay relationship, or a woman with a minor bodily aberration, considerately overlooked by her husband, and therefore involved in a heterosexual relationship. Transgenderism blows apart the careful dichotomy of gay and straight, as well as the sexual apartheid of man and woman.

In truth, no one is an ‘ism’, or any other form of label. Each of us is a unique being, inlfluenced by other people’s perceptions. The Native Americans of the American and Canadian West enjoyed a personal liberty and self-actualization rarely experienced by white people, and as such, even American,s who have a reputation as rugged individualists, are still not able to conceive just how individualistic ordinary Indians were. Put in a context where all people were dreaming themselves into existence, transgenderism is one of many unique ways a personality might manifest itself. The Native mandate to live up to visions and dreams seems extraordinary to people who are accustomed to dismissing dreams as irrelevant fantasies and who enforce a homogenous lifestyle while at the same time lauding personal liberty. The fundamental perplexity of mainstream American life is, “To thine ownself be true, as long as you aren’t too weird.”

That is probably why the image of the transgendered Native American has such appeal: we all wish that we were free to be who we truly are, to be respected for our unique gifts, and to not have to battle to defend our vision of self against the force of convention.

Transgendered Native Americans

Copyright 1996 by Gary Bowen

1999, amboyz.org

Transgender Parents!

Okay, let me start off by saying that no, of couse I don’t have all the answers, who does? I just have a lot of life experience as far as the children of transgendered parents are concerned.

So, let’s see, my name is Jess, I’m 17, I’ve been happily female my whole life and I don’t feel the need to change it any time soon. I live on my mother’s and stepmother’s farm. I don’t do farm stuff though; I’m a would-be suburbanite. My mom, Raven Kaldera, a FTM (female to male) and my step-mom, Bella Kaldera, a MTF (male to female) met when I was 7 and they fell madly in love, moved in with each other, blah, blah, blah.

When I was 8 my mom told me he was going to transition. He called me upstairs and said, “Jess, honey, I have something very important to tell you, I’m going to become a boy…” Now I’ll whole-heartedly admit that I’m a freak; I’ve grown up around all sorts of strange people which also includes transgendered folks. But let me tell you something, it’s completely different when it happens to someone you love; someone like your mother no less. So of couse there was a moment’s pause then I replied, “Like Bella but reversed?” He started to laugh and said, “Yeah, it’s going to be a little bit like that. I’m going to change a lot, grow a beard and my voice will deepen.”

At this point I was a little worried; would my mother still love me the same? So I asked, “Will I be able to still call you momma?” He looked thoughtful for a moment and then responded, “If that will make you feel better then you may call me mom, dad or what ever makes you feel comfortable.” That was our compromise.

I can also say that I’ve been so deeply immersed in the transgendered community since such a young age that I’ve seen almost all it has to offer. Most notably information, which is very important in this case. I’ve seen so many transgendered parents come out and say, “I can’t tell my child this, what would they think? I don’t think they’d understand my reasons for doing it, what do I tell them?” and most popular of all, “What if they hate me for it?”

Well, I’m going to stop this one right in its tracks. They won’t hate you for being transgendered nearly as much as they will hate you for lying to them, I promise you that much. If they’re spiteful enough to hate you, then they would have found something else to be wrong with you or your life-style. Also, let me tell you right now: There Is Nothing You Could Do That Would Hurt Them More Than Not Telling Them! I could never, ever stress enough the importance of telling your child something this big. They will find out, and I mean will find out. I mean, when are you going to tell them? When they’re eighteen? “Hey, sweetie, since you’re an adult now I thought it would be time to tell you daddy/mom’s little secret.”

Waiting until they’re grown up to transition isn’t necessarily the right thing to do either. Kids learn form your examples. Having them grow up watching you be miserable and depressed and hate your body is not a good example to set for them. Watching you put off the most important decision of your life won’t exactly teach them how to figure out who they are and handle hard choices about their identity.

All right. Sorry about that, but it’s really hard to imagine that when this poor kid finds out, it might not be from the parent. You can best deliver this news to them in a way that’s easy to swallow, and that can get their fears, hopes, and most importantly, their questions answered. That means the parent’s questions too, as well as the kid’s. Questions, by the way, are a really good sign your kid is accepting the change. There are no bad questions. Questions are wounderful; encourage them whenever possible, it makes the child feel reassured and loved.

If there is a question that you can’t answer, don’t sweat it; there is an entire community of people who might have the answers. So, with your child, go and find out the answers. It’s good morale and helps them feel like they’re in on it too. Also never say, “Well, I’ll find out later,” and then drag your heels. The second you do that you’ve lost not only their trust but their support.

OK, next tough question. How do you make your kid understand? Imagine me rolling my eyes over here. I really shouldn’t have to even point this out, but you can’t make him or her do anything. You should lay it out for them in simple terms. This, of course, all depends on the age. Don’t talk to your teenager like they’re five; speak to them with the respect and honesty that you would a peer, or they won’t listen and they’ll feel resentful at you for it. On the other hand, don’t talk to your five-year-old like they’re an adult. Use words that they can understand, and leave the really big words like “vaginoplasty” and “mastectomy” for a later conversation that they should be the ones to bring up. Try to stick to short 2-syllable compound words like “support-group” and “you’re always going to be my (insert cutesy catch phrase for child here) no matter how I look.” It’s very important to make this point.

There’s something else important that needs to be said. Some transgendered people, after transition, don’t want their kid to call them “Mom” or “Dad” anymore, especially not in public, because they fear that it would out them, and they may not want the reminder of their “past life”. They ask the kid to call them “Aunt Betty” or “Uncle Joe” or something else. Let’s stress this: it isn’t fair to ask a kid to call you something other than what they’ve been calling you for years. Exceptions to this rule might be: 1) if there is no other parent and the kid is excited about suddenly having a parent of the opposite sex; 2) the kid is a baby (or not born yet) and will grow up calling you by a title of your preferred gender, or 3) if the kid is an older teen or adult who feels comfortable negotiating public and private designations. If the kid is still young, don’t make them do it. Allowing them to keep calling you by your old familiar title will help them to feel like they’re not really losing a mom or dad, and help them be more comfortable with the situation. You had this child; you took on the responsibility at their birth of putting them first, before other people in your life. What do you value more, their emotional well-being or the opinions of strangers in the mall?

Now, a really hard question I’ve actually had to answer is “How will they react to this mind bending info?” Well, two possible reacttions might be: 1) They already know on some level, and most likely will have a lot of questions for you. Be sure to find some way to answer them all. Or 2) they’re completely shocked and need a little time to adjust. If this happens, don’t worry, it’s a natural way of coping. Just be calm and tell them no questions are bad, you’ll always love them and you won’t treat them differently. Keep true to your promises, especially the last one.

And as for the “They won’t understand my reasons for this big change…” thing (see me putting my hands on my hips and glowering at you), that’s not an excuse and you know it. Whether or not they “get it” largely depends on you, and how you explain it to them. (Talk to other transgendered people in your community who have already transitioned for good advice on how to explain your identity and needs to clueless others.) And if you don?t want to put in the effort to explain it to them, you’re in trouble, because if you make this change, you’ll be explaining to people and educating them for the rest of your life, so you?d better get used to it. The people who love you are the best place to start, because they actually have a vested interest in understanding and accepting. Besides, if you don?t at least try, you?re failing your kid in the process.

I think I’ve talked myself out now, and I hope this wasn?t too harsh, but like many truths it needed to be said.

Yikes! You’re A Transgendered Parent! Now What Do You Do?

2002, Jessica Brangwyn, @amboyz.org

 

Transgender Glossary Terminology and Definitions

Most persons know some of the terminology in this list. But likewise, most persons do not know all of the listed terminology used by various members of the Transgender Community. As such, I thought that if we had a reference list of the terminology, that persons could refer to this to learn those parts of terminology which may be unknown to them.

APA : Two seperate Doctor based Associations which have the same 3 letter abreviation. American Psychiatric Association and American Psychological Association. Psychiatrists use the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual” a manual of disorders of the mind. This manual lists both “Gender Identity Disorder” (Transsexuality) and “Transvestic Fetishism” (Cross Dressing) as mental illnesses.

ANDROGYNE : (Androgynous) and (Androgyny) Person who has gender traits of both masculine and feminine. Lacking of a clear or specified singular gender trait. Person identifies as both genders or neither of the two culturally defined genders; and/or who expresses and/or presents merged culturally / stereotypically feminine and masculine characteristics, or mainly neutral characteristics. may or may not express dual gender identity.

ASSIGNED GENDER ROLE: At birth, an assigned gender is determined by appearance of sexual anatomy. This determines the role

a child is raised in either Male or Female. Documented by a doctor who assists in the birth.

AUTOGYNEPHILIA: a paraphilia proposed in 1989 by Ray Blanchard, who defined it as “a man’s paraphilic tendency to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as a woman.” Part of a controversial behavioral model for transsexual sexuality informally labeled the Blanchard, Bailey, and Lawrence theory. The model is an attempt to explain transwomen (male-to-female transsexual and transgender persons) who are not exclusively attracted to males, including lesbian (or “gynephilic”), bisexual and asexual transwomen. The model claims that transwomen (called “gender dysphoric males” by Blanchard) who are not sexually oriented toward men are instead sexually oriented toward the thought or image of themselves as women. Most of the attention paid to Blanchard’s work on gender dysphoria focuses on what he calls “nonhomosexual transsexuals” or “autogynephilic transsexuals.” He calls those transwomen who are exclusively attracted to males “androphilic” or “homosexual transsexuals.” While some Transgender people self-identify with this term most Transsexuals vehemently oppose it because it does not apply to them. Transsexuality is inborn with symptoms being manifested by the age of 4 or 5 years of age while autogynephillia does not and those who identify with it report it ocurred in their teen years and beyond. Sexual orientation has nothing at all to do with Transsexuality.

BI-GENDERED : Person who can shift between masculine and feminine gender behaviour. This differes from the Androgyne in that an Androgyne keeps their gender role at all times whereas Bi-Gendered shift or change their role to suit the situation at that moment.

BINARY GENDER SYSTEM : Culturally defined code of acceptable behaviors, teaching that there can only be Male or Female roles. Where it comes to Transgendered Individuals this system becomes flawed, as Transgendred Individuals fall under a multi-gendered system, beyond the Binary Gender System.

BIND : (Binding) To Wrap or tape the Female Breast Tissue to make it appear to be flat like a Male Chest area. Action is performed by Female-to-Male Transsexuals. This is also performed by use of a binder, which is a rigid corset like item designed to flatten the female breast tissue so as to make it seem like a male chest area.

BIPHOBIA : (also Homophobia) The irrational fear of love, affection, and erotic behavior between people of the same gender. Expressed as negative feelings, attitudes, actions or behaviors against those perceived as non-heterosexuals. Often directed at those perceived as expressing or presenting culturally stereotypically non-heterosexual characteristics and or blurred gender roles. Biphobia also includes refuting the existance of bisexuality by believing every individual is either homosexual or heterosexual.

BISEXUAL : (Bi) A person who is emotionally, Sexually, Spiritually, or Physically attracted to persons from both the Male and Female Genders.

BOTTOM SURGERY : Term used for Genital Surgery performed below the waist. Term is most often used by Female-to-Male persons and referring to creation of a penis and simulated testicals in their case. Term is also used by some Male-to-Female persons for the surgery to create a neo vagina. Not all Transsexual persons from either case opt for this surgery. For some due to cost, some due to health, some simply due to personal choice.

BOYDYKE : A “Female bodied” person who intentionally or non-intentionally presents or expresses what is culturally sterotypical Male or masculine, boyish characteristic. Some wish to pass as a Male while remaining Female.

BREAST AUGMENTATION SURGERY : (BA) This surgery technically known as augmentation mammoplasty, is a surgical procedure to enhance the size and shape of a woman’s breast. The Male-to-Female individual may seek Breast Augmentation if they desire a larger bust size than is achieved through hormone therapy. Standard augmentation involves one or the other of two types of implants, either Saline or Silicone.

BREAST FORMS/BREAST ENHANCERS : Often an individual who is a Cross Dresser or a Male-to-Female Transsexual will use a Breast Form such as those made for and most often used by ladies who have had Mastectomies performed due to cancer. Most of these consist of Silicone shaped to look like a female breast and to have weight like a genuine natal breast would have. Also, there are some forms made out of foam rubber, which while giving a general appearance of a breast do not have the weighted bounce effect of a silicone breast form. Some MTF whom have achieved some breast growth via hormones but are not satisfied with size of their breasts, opt for a breast enhancer such as the style that go in the bra below the breasts to sort of push up the breasts and make them appear larger than they in reality are.

BUTCH : Term used to describe or identify a person who often self identifies or presents and expresses what is culturally sterotypical Male or masculine, boyish characteristics. Term can be used in both positive and negative ways.

CD : (Cross Dresser) : Person who wears clothing and items normally worn by the opposite gender from their own biological gender. An outdated older term for a CD is the term Transvestite. The majority of persons who CD are of heterosexual orientation, many even being happily married. However, there are also many whom are of a Gay orientation. While for some this is a way of simply experiencing a temporary role as the opposite gender in which they feel free from the rigours of their day to day life in their assigned gender, for others this also presents a sense of auto arousal by the wearing or the clothing of the oposite gender.

CHONDROLARYNGOPLASTY : Surgery involving Adam’s Apple Reduction or Trachea Shave. The surgeon reduces the cartilage in the throat to make the shape more feminine.

CIS-SEXUAL : Person who is not Transgendered and has one of the two Binary Genders as simply either Male or Female.

CLOCKED : (Getting Read) Being detected as a person who is cross-dressed.

COLOVAGINOPLASTY : This method of creating a vagina for the Male-to-Female individual, involves cutting away a section of the sigmoid colon and using it to form a vaginal lining. This surgery is also sometimes performed on females with androgen insensitivity syndrome, congenital adrenal hyperplasia, or vaginal agenesis, Mayer-Rokitansky syndrome, and other intersexed conditions, where non-invasive forms of lengthening the vagina cannot be done and, mostly, it is used on Male-to-Female transsexuals as an alternative to penile inversion with or without an accompanying skin graft taken usually from either the thigh or abdomen. Due to numerous potential complications most surgeons will use or recommend a colovaginoplasty method only when there is no other alternative. The use of this on Male-to-Female patients is generally reserved for those whom have attempted removal of their Male genitals and have made the general standard recognizable Reassignment Surgery methods unusable..

COMING OUT : The process of becoming aware of, understanding and accepting one’s own sexual orientation or gender identity. This also consists of the decision making process of identifying oneself openly in disclosure of this to another.

Conversion Therapy : Dangerous attempt to “Cure” Homosexuals or Transsexuals by Homophobic Religious groups. Loosly based on Reparative therapy declared outmoded by the American Psychiatric Association. Practice usually done by unlicensed Church “Counselors”. Methods used include extreme guilt, hellfire, Bible text, non-acceptance and damnation. Electrodes often placed on genitals to measure reactions. Church members are more interested in their own homophobic fears than the welfare of their patients. As one Exodus “Counselor” told a Gay man “You would be better off to commit suicide than go back to the homosexual lifestyle”. What therapy encourages death as an alternative? Upon completion members must sign a statement they have been “cured”. There are few long term followups and members questioned later often admit lying to their questioners. “Cures” are almost always short term and for transgender people amount to nothing more than temporary Purging. The danger afterwards is increased suicide attempts as evidenced by users in our crisis rooms here. This therapy is not recommended as it is dangerous and deadly.

CORSET : A corset is a very constrictive ladies undergarment worn by some Cross Dressers and Male-to-Female Transsexuals in an atempt to mold and shape their torso into a desired Female shape for the aesthetic purposes of more readily appearing curvy and Female, by reducing the waist, and thereby lifting the bust if any and more readily showing the hips. There are some corset tops which are designed with a mini corset as an outer part of the garment. Often these are designed to cater to goth cultural fashions. Historically a corset has lacing to hold it together at the back. Sometimes it is at the front instead. Tightening or loosening the lacing produces changes in how firm or rigid the corset will be. Most full size corsets with back lacing are almost impossible to be properly laced by the wearer alone, thus normally requiring a second person to tighten the lacing and tie it off. Button or hook front busks on some corsets allow a wearer to remove them without untieing them and re-place them on their body at a later date all by themself. It should be noted however, that this process can seriously damage the busk of the corset. This is because it is under extreme pressure in most cases. Corsets are most often comprised of flexible materials such as coutil cloth, or leather and stiffened with boning also referred to as ribs or stays, inserted into channels in the cloth or leather. Plastic is now the most commonly used material in lightweight corsets, whereas spring or spiral steel is preferred for stronger corsets. Corsets preferably should be fitted to the individual wearer.

CROSS-LIVING : Act of cross dressing full time 24/7 living in the role of the opposite gender full time, perceiving oneself as the opposite gender but not transsexual as the person does not wish to physically change gender.

DE-TRANSITION : To return to living as a member of one’s biological sex after extended full time living as one’s target sex.

DRAG : (F : Drag King, M : Drag Queen, Female or Male Impersonator) Individuals who exaggerate cross dressed gender roles often for purposes of performances at gatherings or on stage. Some Drag Queens even get breast implants to help with their performance role. Some live the role full time.

DYKE : (Femme Dyke, Bi Dyke, Butch Dyke) Terms used from both negative view and positive view. A “female-body” person or woman identifying with other women as their interest. Historically the terminology was used in the negative to identify lesbians expressing male culturally stereotypically masculine characteristics, but has been used in the positive view of self identification by many modern lesbians. (Femme) more feminine version. (Bi) may show some interest in men but is primarily interested in women. (Butch) Acts more male like and is normally only interested in women.

EFFEMINATE : Term used often in negative context, to identify a person usually of male origin who expresses or presents what are stereotypically culturally feminine characteristics.

ENDO(CRINOLOGIST) : A doctor who deals with the endocrine glands and their hormones. This doctor is the one who prescribes estrogen and progesterone in one form or another for the Male-to-Female individual, and prescribes testosterone for the Female-to-Male individual. This is also the doctor who monitors the persons endocrinological functions on hormones via bloodwork.

F2M / FTM : (Female-to-Male) Term used to identify a person of Female Biological birth whom identifies as Male. Lives in the Male role and identifies as Masculine. Most will try for Testosterone to take on Male secondary sexual characteristics. Most opt for Top Surgery to reduce the Female Breasts to Male size. Some opt for the Hysterectomy and Bottom Surgery involving creation of a penis from the clitoris and creation of a scrotum with testicular shaped implants. Some do not go for bottom surgery for reasons ranging from cost, health, or personal choice. Many prefer the newer term Transman.

FAG : Derogatory Term that historically has been used in the negative by society, but is also positively used as a self identifier by some persons. A Male bodied person or Man who identifies with other Men as their attraction. Historically used in negative context of labeling Gay Males who express or present a cutural stereotipically Feminine set of characteristics.

FEMALE BODIED : (FemBody) A person who was assigned to Female Gender at birth, or whom has had their genitals surgically altered to be a woman or girl, either by personal choice or often by parental choice in many cases of an intersexxed child.

FEMME : Term used for a person whom identifies with being a woman, who understands the power and seduction of the feminine spirit, and or one whom is powerful as a woman. Can be used to identify a person whom expresses and or presents culturally stereotypically feminine characteristics. Dependant on context, it may be used as a positive or a negative term.

GAFF : A type of panty designed to hide the male bulge by tucking it away in a pocket or pouch within it so as to hold the penis between the legs giving the appearance that there is no penis at all. This item is often worn by individuals who Cross Dress, or by Pre-Op Male-to-Female Transsexuals.

GAY : Term used to describe a person whom is emotionally, spiritually or physically attracted primarily to persons of the same gender. A person (normally a male) whom accepts same gender attraction and identifies as gay.

GENDER BENDER : (Gender Blender) Term used for a person who merges characteristics of all genders either in subtle ways or whom intentionally flaunts merged or blurred cultural stereotipical gender norms for purpose of shocking others, without a concern for passing.

GENDER DYSPHORIA : Term used to describe the intense continuous discomfort resulting from an individuals belief in the inappropriateness of their assigned gender at birth and resulting gender role expectations. A clinical psychological diagnosis, which is offensive to many in the Transgender community, but is required to receive Hormone Replacement Therapy and or Sexual Reassignment Surgery. (SRS, GRS).

GENDER IDENTITY : An inner sense that one is or belongs to a particular sex.

GENDER COMMUNITY : (Transgender Community) A loose association of individuals and organizations who transgress gender norms in a variety of ways. Celebrating a recently born self awareness, this community is growing fast across all lines. The central ethic of this community is unconditional acceptance of individual exercise of freedoms including gender and sexual identity and orientation.

GENDER PHOBIA : (Transphobia) The irrational fear of those who are perceived to break and or blur cultural stereotypical gender roles, often assumed to be queer. Expressed as negative feelings, attitudes, actions or behaviors against those perceived as breaking and or blurring cultural stereotypical gender roles.

GENDER QUEER : Term which is used by some individuals whom may or may not fit on the spectrum of Trans, or be labeled as Trans, but whom identify their gender and sexual orientation to be outside the assumed norm.

GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY : (GRS, Sex Reassignment Surgery-SRS) : Permanent surgical refashioning of genetalia to resemble the genetalia of the desired gender. Sought to attain congruence between one’s body and one’s gender identity.

GENDER ROLES : What one’s society and culture says that Males and Females are like. The socially constructed and culturally specific behavior and appearance expectations imposed on Females (femininity) and Males (masculinity).

Gender Therapist : Licensed Therapist who follows the HBIGDA (Wpath) Transgender Standards of Care. Encourages legal prescription hormone use prescribed usually by an Endocrinoligist with a letter recommendation by the therapist. Obtaining horomones illegally without medical testing can and has led to death most notably from “Thrombobis” or dangerous blood clots. The therapist provides guidance during RLE and provides recommendation letter for GRS. Many object to HBIGDA as “Gatekeeping” However it is the safest alternative now available. Others argue that Transsexuality is not a mental illness as outlined in DSM IV and that it is a medical condition. Perhaps this will change in DSM V due out in 2011.

GENETIC SEX : Term used to refer to chromosomal makeup of a individual. Often used to refer to assigned gender at birth.

GETTING READ : (Clocked) Being detected as a person who is cross-dressed.

GID : (Gender Identity Disorder) According to the DSM .. a mental illness where one believes they have a gender identity that is incongruant to their biological gender. (See Gender Dysphoria Above.).

Harry Benjamin Syndrome: Also known as HBS this is purported to be an Intersex condition that is said to occur in the womb in the first twelve weeks after conception. It is based on the brain sex theory by Harry Benjamin for Transsexuals. Other studies done though do not agree. The creator’s of HBS are not medical professionals and it is not accepted by the American Medical Association. While the theory is an excellent thesis it is not accepted as fact in the medical Community. These unqualified lay-people have written their own unauthorized Standards of Care which are not medically valid or accepted. The only accepted Transgender Standards of Care are HBIGDA (Wpath) which is signed by medical professionals. The HBS SOC has no medical signatures on it.

HERMAPHRODITE : Outdated term for an Intersexxed person. (see Intersexxed below in list.).

HETEROFLEXIBLE : (straight-ish, homo-flexible). Individuals who are mostly attracted to another gender, but have had or are open to having same sex relationships or behaviors.

HETEROSEXUAL : An individual who is emotionally, spiritually, physically, and or sexually attracted to those of the opposite gender.

HETEROSEXISM : The institutionalized assumption that everyone is heterosexual and that heterosexualism is inherently superior to and preferable to homosexuality or bisexuality.

HIR : A gender term used by some in place of Him or Her, a new pronoun for those folks who stand outside the binary gender system that we have in society.

HOMOPHOBIA : (also Biphobia) The irrational fear of love, affection, and erotic behavior between people of the same gender. Expressed as negative feelings, attitudes, actions or behaviors against those perceived as non-heterosexuals. Often directed at those perceived as expressing or presenting culturally stereotypically non-heterosexual characteristics and or blurred gender roles. Biphobia also includes refuting the existance of bisexuality by believing every individual is either homosexual or heterosexual.

HOMOSEXUAL : An individual who is emotionally, spiritually or physically attracted primarily to persons of the same gender.

HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY : (HRT, Hormonal Sex Reassignment). Administration of hormones to affect the development of secondary sex characteristics of the opposite assigned gender. This process that is lifelong, of using hormones to change the internal body chemistry. For Male to Female Estrogens are used, and for Female to Male Androgens are used (Testosterone). Hormone use without medical supervision is strongly discouraged as it has resulted in thousands of Transgender deaths. Herbal concotions taken in large doses not approved by the FDA have also resulted in deaths and disabilty as well as having poor results. Don’t be fooled by herbal companies marketing to transgenders for profit with exaggerated claims. Save your money for prescription hormones.

HYSTERECTOMY : Operation performed to remove the Uterus. In cases of the Female-to-Male individual this operation also includes removal of the Cervix, Ovaries, and Fallopian tubes.

IN THE CLOSET : Not disclosing, (referenced to coming out) Being secretive about an individual’s own sexual orientation and or gender identity.

INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA/TRANSPHOBIA : The belief that same-gender sexual orientation and or gender identity is inferior to heterosexual orientation and or masculine or feminine gender identity. The internalization of negative messages, feelings about oneself and one’s group, and beliefs about how people like you should be treated, which often leads to self-hate and difficulty with self-acceptance. Also irrational fear of breaking cultural or stereotypical gender roles.

INTERSEX(XED) : An individual born with full or partial genetalia of both genders, or with underdeveloped genitalia. Some are born with internal organs of a Female with no external signs of Female but with Male external genitalia. Surgery is common in infancy, when a singular gender is assigned. Many who are assigned such without self choice develop a sense or feeling of a loss of (an) essential part(s) of themself. Often the person so assigned to one sex by surgery in infancy wishes to be the gender opposite the one chosen for them.

LABIAPLASTY : This surgery for the Male-to-Female individual is normally only needed in cases where a surgeon uses a two-stage vaginoplasty procedure.It is the stage where labia and the clitoral hood are created.

LESBIAN : A person who identifies as a woman who is emotionally, spiritually, physically, and or sexually attracted primarily to members of the same gender. A Female who accepts her same gender attraction and identifies as lesbian.

M2F, MTF, MALE-TO-FEMALE : Term used to identify a person who was Male gendered at birth but whom identifies as Female, lives as a Woman, or identifies as Feminine. Some prefer the term Transwoman.

MALE BODIED : A person who was assigned to Male gender at birth, or a person who has had their genitals surgically altered to be a man.

MAMMAPLASTY : A surgery performed to increase or shrink the size of the breasts. (See BREAST AUGMENTATION SURGERY, above).

MAMMOGRAM : (Mammography) A cancer screening performed on Females. This screening is one which individuals whom are Male-to-Female transsexuals should partake of yearly after 40 years of age. It involves x-raying of the breast tissues for earliest detection of breast tumors before they can be otherwise seen or felt.

MASTECTOMY : The surgical removal of the Female breast tissue. For Female-to-Male Transsexuals. This surgery which is often referred to as top surgery, allows the individual to no longer have need of a binder, (See Bind, above) as from that point on the individual has Male sized breasts. This surgery is also performed on natal Females in cases of cancer.

METAMORPH : (Shape Shifter) Used by some people who choose not to identify as transsexual, to express their belief that they are not changing their gender, but rather changing their body to reflect their inner feelings and gender identity.

METAOIDIOPLASTY : This surgery for the Female-to-Male individual involves the freeing of the enlarged clitoris/penis from the underlying labia minora and dropping it via release of the suspensory ligament.

NEOCLITORIS : The created clitoris for a Male-to-Female Transsexual individual during Sex Reassignment Surgery. There are two ways to create a neoclitoris for the transsexual woman. The most common method is to remove the head or glans of the penis, and use some of that tissue to function in the position of a natal female’s clitoris. Some transsexual women have the entire penis head used as their clitoris. This partly depends on the doctor performing the surgery. Some have spongiform from their urethra’s used to function as the neoclitoris. Most transsexual women’s bodies readily accept the relocation of glans penile tissue in the area of a biological woman’s clitoris.

NON-LABELING : Individuals who find the existing labels too constrictive and or choose not to identify within a particular category.

NON-OP : Individuals who have not attained and may not desire to attain gender reassignment surgery, and may or may not take hormone replacement therapy. For many individuals, self-identification and self expression, through cross living or other methods of gender identity achieve harmony or congruence between one’s body and one’s gender identity and there is no need felt for surgical reconstruction. Or in some cases it is for medical reasons that one is forced to remain non-op. Also there are some for whom monitary reasons prevent the surgery thus making them remain in a non-op mode either temporarily or for extended periods of time and in many cases for life.

OBGYN(ECOLOGIST) : (gynecology) A doctor trained in the branch of medicine dealing with treatment of diseases of the female reproductive system, including the breasts. After Sex Reassignment Surgery, many Male-to-Female transsexuals opt to visit a OBGYN to have the doctor check that they are healing correctly. Also it is recommended that the MTF Post Op visit an gynecologist at least once yearly to be sure that she is healthy. While the MTF on has no cervix or uterus it is always possible to get cancer of the vagina. This type of doctor can make sure that the MtF PostOp individual is checked foer this in the yearly checkup.

OMNISEXUAL : A term used along with Pansexual. (See Pansexual below.).

ORCHIECTOMY : Surgery to remove the testes. This is opted for by some Male-to-Female individuals in order to reduce testosterone and stop the need for testosterone blocking medicines. This procedure can be used as both a step towards Reassignment Surgery or as a final procedure for those individuals who do not desire GRS.

PACK : Item placed in the underwear of a FTM Pre-Op to suggest the prescence of a penis there. Some use a rolled up sock or a dildo to produce this effectively.

PANSEXUAL : An individual who is emotionally, spiritually, physically, and or sexually attracted to those of any gender or physical makeup. (also sometimes referred to as omni-sexual, flexual, or multi-sexual).

PASSING : The ability for a person to present themselves in another gender than that which they live full time or which they were assigned at birth.

PHALLOPLASTY : Operation for construction of a Male genitalia (penis). Some procedures involve flaps of skin taken from the groin and abdomen, but more recent versions of this surgery involve the free forearm flap method of which involves a segment of skin from the forearm being bisected and used to form the penis. This method allows for sensitivity during intercourse in the constructed penis, as well as standing urination.

PRE-OP(ERATIVE) : Transsexual individuals whom have not yet attained gender reassignment surgery, but whom desire to and are seeking that option. They may or may not cross-live full time and may or may not take hormone therapy. They may also seek surgery to change secondary sexual characteristics.

POST-OP(ERATIVE) : Transsexua lindividuals who have attained gender reassignment surgery, and or other surgeries to change secondary sex characteristics.

PRESENTATION : The totality of one’s appearance when dressing, including voice, behavior, appropriateness of clothing for the situation, etc.

PRIMARY SEX CHARACTERISTICS : Male=Penis and Testes, Female=Vagina.

QUEER : Used to identify someone who aligns themselves with the trans, bisexual, lesbian, and gay (LGBT) community, a term which sometimes now is used in a positive self identification way by some amongst our vast community, but which historically was used only in the negative context to ridicule and label anyone not conforming to heterosexual persons and societal gender norms.

READ : Being identified as being a member of one’s biological sex in spite of presenting as a member of the target sex.

REAL LIFE TEST : (RLT or Life Test) A period of time required of individuals seeking reassignment surgery during which they must live full-time expressing and presenting the gender in and of which they identify as. Many doctors require a Real Life Test of two or more years before advancement to SRS (surgery). This Real Life Test period is necessary to be sure that an individual can capably adapt to the sought after gender role. Also known as RLE or Real Life Experience. Check with your surgeon for RLE time requirements as there are variations between them.

SECONDARY SEX CHARACTERISTICS : The changes that appear when a person reaches puberty. They include, but are not limited to : facial hair and body hair, muscle mass development, and voice changes for males. Breast development and curves for females. In both genders fertility or ability to reproduce. This also refers to the body changes brought on by taking HRT in cases of breast development, curves and emotional changes for MTF. Body and facial hair, muscle mass, voice depth changes, and agressive tendancy for FTM.

SEX ASSIGNMENT : The declaration, by a doctor, based on what your external genitalia look like, as to what gender you are, and that therefore you are supposed to grow up to exist within a certain set gender role.

SHAPE SHIFTER : (Metamorph) Used by some people who choose not to identify as transsexual, to express their belief that they are not changing their gender, but rather changing their body to reflect their inner feelings and gender identity.

SHAPEWEAR : Padded panties, girdles, or bras designed to help enhance or produce a female figure. Often used by Cross Dressers and Male-to-Female Transsexuals.

Shemale : Derogatory term coined by the porn industry to describe MTF’s who keep the genitals they were born with. Incorrectly described as Transexuals (note spelling). Transgenderist is now the correct description used by therapists. Most take female hormones and may obtain facial or breast enhancement surgery but almost never SRS.

SIGNIFICANT OTHER : An individual who is either the girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, or life partner of a transgendered person and who may or may not be supportive of the inner feelings and gender identity of their partner. In cases where the partner of a transgendered individual first finds out about their partners gender issues or wishes to cross dress many can not cope with the issues surrounding their partner. Some choose to leave their partner for good while others find this new aspect of their partner to be a side they can either learn to cope with or actually support. Some even find the new aspects to be desireable in their partner.

Silicone Pumping Party : Illegal practice of pumping Industrial Silicone into the Face, breasts, hips and buttocks of Transwomen by unlicensed persons. This often ends in “death” or “extreme disfigurement”. Not recommended as it is dangerous.

SOFFA : Term means (Significant Other, Friend, Family, or Ally) of a person who identifies as transsexual, transgender, CD or gender varient.

SRS : (Sex Reassignment Surgery) see Gender Reassignment Surgery above.

STANDARDS OF CARE : A set of minimum guidelines originally formulated by the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, Inc. (HBIGDA) for care of transsexual individuals and providing requirements for consumers and service providers. Other standards also exist under World Professional Association for Trans Health (WPATH).

STEALTH : The act of living in plain site without being seen as transgendered or being read. To blend in.

STRAIGHT : An individual who is emotionally, spiritually, physically, and or sexually attracted primarily to members of the opposite gender. A person who accepts their opposite gender attraction, and whom identifies as straight. Also used to identify a MTF attracted to a Male or a FTM attracted to a Female.

TARGET SEX : The desired sex of a Transsexual or Transgendered person which is opposite of one’s biological sex.

TOP SURGERY : Surgery “above the waist.” Breast Auugmentation for the MTF and Breast Reduction for the FTM. There are many different issues that cause each person to make the decision to either have or not have the surgeries. Some factors include: desire, expense, physical health, age, and access to medical care and information. There are also many difficulties that can occur with these surgeries, which will factor into each individual’s decision making process.

TRANSGENDER : Those who transgress rigid societal gender norms, and who present a breaking or blurring of cultural stereotypical gender roles. This includes: Transsexuals, Cross Dressers, Androgynes, Gender Benders, Shape Shifters, and Intersexxed Individuals. The word describes a category and Community, not the individual groups under it’s umbrella which are very different from each other. Some Intersexed people do not consider themselves Transgender. Others who are changing roles and gender through surgery identity with it.

Transgender Advocate : A person who publicly works for Transgender inclusive rights and the welfare of all gender variant individuals. Seeks to improve our quality of life.

TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY : (Gender Community) A loose association of individuals and organizations who transgress gender norms in a variety of ways. Celebrating a recently born self awareness, this community is growing fast across all lines. The central ethic of this community is unconditional acceptance of individual exercise of freedoms including gender and sexual identity and orientation.

TRANSGENDERIST : Persons who choose to cross-live full time, but who choose not to have Sex Reassignment Surgery/Gender Reassignment Surgery (SRS/GRS). They may or may not have some surgeries, and they may or may not use hormones.

TRANSITION : The period during which a transgender individual (usually transsexual) begins to live a new life in their gender of choice. Also, includes the period of full-time living (Real Life Test) required before gender reassignment surgery.

TRANSMAN : Some FTM’s prefer this newer term. See FTM.

TRANSPHOBIA : (Gender Phobia) The irrational fear of those who are perceived to break and or blur cultural stereotypical gender roles, often assumed to be queer. Expressed as negative feelings, attitudes, actions or behaviors against those perceived as breaking and or blurring cultural stereotypical gender roles.

TRANSSEXUAL : MTF, FTM, Pre-Op, Post-Op, Non-Op. A person that experiences an intense long term discomfort resulting from the feeling of inappropriateness of their assigned gender role at birth and the discomfort of their body, and whom as a result adapts their gender role and body in order to reflect and be congruent with their gender identity. This may include cross-living, synthesized sex hormones, surgery and other body modification which may or may not lead to the feeling of harmony between a person’s body and gender identity.

Transvestite : Outmoded term no longer used by Gender Therapists which used to refer to full time crossdressers. When used today usually meant in a derogatory fashion.

TRANSWOMAN : Some MTF’s prefer this newer term. See MTF.

TUCK(ING) : The act or process of hiding male genitalia by tucking them back between the legs.

TWO-SPIRIT : A term for both same gender loving and transgendered people that emerged from various Native American traditions. The Dineh (Navaho) word is nadleehe one who is transformed, the Lakota (Sioux) as winkte, the Mohave as alyha, the Zuni as lhamana, the Omaha as mexoga, the Aleut and Kodiak as achnucek, the Zapotec as ira’ muxe, the Cheyenne as he man eh.

VAGINOPLASTY : In cases of transgendered individuals this is a surgical method of creatinG of a neo vagina. There are two main methods with use of doner tissue from the penis and the scrotum in both cases. And a third way which is used in only the most extreme cases. The first entails the following generally used method. After first incisions in the genitalia the right spermatic cord is ligated (Bound so as not to bleed) and clamped. The primary incision is continued up the ventral (lower) side of the shaft of the penis. The anterior (top) flap is then developed from the skin of the penis. The urethra is dissected from the shaft. The corpora cavernosa (Two chambers in the penis which run the length of the penis and are filled with spongy tissue which blood flows into filling the open spaces in the spongy tissue to create an erection.) are separated to assure a minimal stump. Next, the anterior (top) flap is perforated to position the urethral meatus. (urethra). The skin flaps are sutured and placed in position in the vaginal cavity. The second method was created by Dr. Suporn Watanyusakul in Chonburi, Thailand and is known as the Chonburi Pouch Method or the Suporn Technique. Dr. Suporn’s method is quite different from the typical sexual reassignment surgery as he does not use the penile inversion method. Instead, he constructs the vaginal vault (canal), with scrotal skin and uses the penile tissues for a labia, clitoris, and other external features. A full thickness inguinal (groin crease) skin graft is used for the vaginal lining in rare cases where inadequate scrotal skin is available. Dr. Suporn’s method generally yields a deeper neovagina than the more standard penile inversion technique. After either method is completed the neo vagina is packed to insure it keeps its shape as the patient begins the healing process. Some individuals swear that Suporns technique is superior, others feel the penial inversion method is. The third style of vaginoplasty is called colovaginoplasty and involves a cutting away and resecting of the cut ends of the sigmoid colon. This leaves a freed section of the sigmoid colon for use in forming a vaginal lining.

ZE : A newer pronoun used by some to refer to a person in place of she or he when talking about an individual whoose gender does not fit into a specific category.

2008, by Monica_Jennifer, @Lauras Playground

2021-02-06 16:04:29

Listening and Speaking Like a Woman

As a woman, always listen while making eye contact which is something men generally don’t do.

Nod often with your head while maintaining the eye contact. Observe how men often do not maintain eye contact OR use an open smile.

Hillary Clinton is a good example when she is listening to another. Her head nods up and down continually! Watch, the next time you see her. She is telling the person they are important, or that she may agree with them to set them at ease.

Practice, by seeing how long you can make eye contact before glancing away. Also, remember to smile in a mirror, a larger smile than you’re comfortable with. Again, men generally do not smile using an open mouth. Remember to, tilt your head. All these tips will help you look more feminine and the man will feel more at ease!

20 March 2013 – Written by Denae Doyle @tglife.com